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setback in life & what you learned from it

setback in life & what you learned from it 6Kny8
Being from a Punjabi family it's in my DNA to meet with the new people and listen to their stories and share mine as well. So, it’s my inbuilt habit to meet with different people. Through this social interaction I met a person who represented Pakistan as a cultural ambassador in the US. I used to visit him everyday to hear about the American people. It inspired me to travel to America at least once in my life. I imagine myself in America, either with my friends, at class, on the bus, or in bed. As a result, it became the center point of my life. To reach my goal, I checked off each item on my to-do list before going to bed. Then everything came to a halt because to Covid, yet my eagerness to reach my goal never faded. Then I applied for this scholarship with high hopes, but was unfortunately refused. I'm the type of person who never allows negativity to get in the way of my inner serenity. But this failure, on the other hand, affected me in a different way. Everything keeps drawing my attention back to the effort I've put in to reach my goal. Nothing fascinates me any longer. My enthusiasm for life began to wane, which was a dangerous condition. My parents have taken me to a psychiatrist, but nothing has helped. I shared my failure story on a Facebook page, and someone helped me realise why I wanted to visit the United States in the first place. and I realised it was to learn from new individuals while also serving my community by returning to Pakistan. So, I opened my laptop and began looking for opportunities. I applied to an international language tuition website. I failed once more, but I never learned to give up, so I applied again, and this time I was successful. That was the turning point in my life. For me, training diverse mindsets is a form of therapy that aids in the development of abilities such as communication, problem-solving, teamwork, self-care, time management, and self-motivation. What I learned is that if people believe in themselves and learn from their mistakes, they can overcome any hurdle and, with God's grace, write their own victory storey.
Being from a Punjabi family it's in my DNA to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and listen to their stories and share mine
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it’s my inbuilt habit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Through this social interaction I met a person who represented Pakistan as a cultural ambassador in the US. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to visit him
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
to hear about the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It inspired me to travel to America at least once in my life. I imagine myself in America, either with my friends, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, on the bus, or in bed.
As a result
, it became the center point of my life. To reach my goal, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
off each item on my to-do list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to bed.

Then everything came to a halt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
,
yet
my eagerness to reach my goal never faded. Then I applied for this scholarship with high hopes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was unfortunately refused. I'm the type of person who never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
negativity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the way of my inner serenity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this failure,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
me in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way. Everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
drawing my attention back to the effort I've put in to reach my goal. Nothing fascinates me any longer. My enthusiasm for life began to wane, which was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
condition. My parents have taken me to a psychiatrist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nothing has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
.

I shared my failure story on a Facebook page, and someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
why I wanted to visit the United States in the
first
place.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
it was to learn from new individuals while
also
serving my community by returning to Pakistan.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I opened my laptop and began looking for opportunities. I applied to an international language tuition website. I failed once more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I never learned to give up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I applied again, and this time I was successful. That was the turning point in my life.

For me, training diverse mindsets is a form of therapy that aids in the development of abilities such as communication, problem-solving, teamwork, self-care, time management, and self-motivation. What I learned is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in themselves and learn from their mistakes, they can overcome any hurdle and, with God's grace, write their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
victory
Possible spelling mistake. 'storey' is British English.
storey
.
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IELTS essay setback in life & what you learned from it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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