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scientists are more valuable by modern society than artists

scientists are more valuable by modern society than artists NMReW
These days people consider that scientists bring real asset in comparison to artists and musicians. From my point of view, technology experts contribute in modern society more than members of show business. Technologies achievements are used by ourselves every day, furthermore, not only in daily routine, but also in medicine, chemistry and other sciences. We don’t notice, how our days depend from modern technologies. Everybody can’t imagine how to make a shift without vacuum cleaner, washing machine, phones and so on and so forth. For instance, inventions, which help cleaning your flat or house. If you have high windows, you can ask for help to the robot, which won’t be afraid height in order to wash in the proper way. Nobody thinks about technologies in medicine and how many lives were saved. Happily not all people face with illnesses, which can’t be cured without new inventions. Certainly technologies inventors facilitate life to diabetics or blind people. Diabetics can use special devices to track their level of sugar in blood and may be given warning about problem in time, blind people can see again. In spite of big achievements in science, nobody says that artists and musicians don’t contribute in society. They help people to relax and get positive emotions. Thanks to them we may turn on TV and watch films, enjoy visiting a concert for having a great mood. Certainly scientists and inventors are valuable by society, since they make our life more convenient. Nevertheless, artists are also significant for us because of opportunity to enjoy ourselves.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that scientists bring real asset
in comparison
to artists and musicians. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts contribute in modern society more than members of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technologies
achievements are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by ourselves every day,
furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in daily routine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in medicine, chemistry and other sciences.

We don’t notice, how our days
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
from modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Everybody can’t imagine how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a shift without vacuum cleaner, washing machine, phones and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
For instance
, inventions, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to clean" or "clean".
cleaning
your flat or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. If you have high windows, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the robot, which won’t be afraid height in order to wash in the proper way.

Nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in medicine and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
were saved
.
Happily
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face with illnesses, which can’t
be cured
without new inventions.
Certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
inventors facilitate life to diabetics or blind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Diabetics can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
special devices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their level of sugar in blood and may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
warning about problem in time, blind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
again.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
achievements in science, nobody says that artists and musicians don’t contribute in society. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotions. Thanks to them we may turn on TV and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films, enjoy visiting a concert for having a great mood.

Certainly
scientists and inventors are valuable by society, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life more convenient.
Nevertheless
, artists are
also
significant for us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of opportunity to enjoy ourselves.
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IELTS essay scientists are more valuable by modern society than artists

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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