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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?.

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. . NrMdW
Nowadays, Scientists and technology experts look to be more valuable than artists and musicians. I totally disagree with this statement because artists and musicians are always being paid more than any other professionals, and musicians and artists have more followers on different social media platforms that makes them famous. In today's life, public spend more time on work places, in order to achieve more. These people, who often look for new art form to emulating new style for inspiration, relaxation and happiness. They always find all these elements in arts form and music, that is why, they often purchase abundant different types for arts and music again and again. As a result, market value of artists and musicians, somehow, increased. Hence, they become more valuable than scientists and technology experts. For instance, in India, according to one report, Neha kakker, who is a famous female singer, earns fifty lakhs for a song. Moreover, In the present, due to the advancement of teachnology, many people are now on the various types of social- media platforms for socializing. Artists and musicians upload their renowned artworks on these platforms to influence public. However, scientists and technology experts, who actually invent this new way interaction, often busy to discover about humans and different species in the world, people is widely adopting artists and musicians. Hence, they become more famous than scientists and technology experts. For instance Priyanka Chopra, who is a famous Bollywood actor, earns around two crores for posting a picture of herself on Instagram. Whereas, Sundar puchai, who is the CEO of google company, has only ten millions followers on Twitter. To conclude, I believe that in modern Life, people give more valued to artists and musicians compare to Scientists and technology experts because artists and musicians have more money and have more followers on different social media platforms.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
look to be more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
. I
totally
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
are always
being paid
more than any other professionals, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have more followers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life, public spend more time on work places, in order to achieve more. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look for new art form to emulating new style for inspiration, relaxation and happiness. They always find all these elements in arts form and music,
that is
why, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types for arts and music again and again.
As a result
, market value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
, somehow, increased.
Hence
, they become more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
.
For instance
, in India, according to one report,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neha
Possible spelling mistake found.
kakker
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
female singer, earns fifty lakhs for a song.
Moreover
, In the present, due to the advancement of
Possible spelling mistake found.
teachnology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on the various types of social- media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
for socializing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
upload their renowned artworks on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
to influence public.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
actually invent this new way interaction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
busy to discover about humans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
species in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
widely
adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
.
Hence
, they become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
.
For instance
Priyanka Chopra,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Bollywood actor, earns around two crores for posting a picture of herself on Instagram. Whereas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sundar
Possible spelling mistake found.
puchai
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the CEO of google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ten millions followers on Twitter.
To conclude
, I believe that in modern Life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give more valued to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
have more money and have more followers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
.
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IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. .

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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