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It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role yXREl
In this modern Era, There are the different argument of children's development of these days. Some people believe that children's development media, pop cultural and friends play are crucial role. However, Other believes parents perform are vital role to build children's progress. In my perspective I believe media, pop cultural and friends community play are essential role in children's life. on the one hand, Some factors such as Television, friends and music are believed to have more influences on children's. For instance, we lives in our society children's watch different kinds of shows and listen different types of music as well as they can meet several types of people in every days. For example, children's can watch movie then he/she can develop ideology as well as style and given lesson about movie. Also they can apply in our life. Friendships teach about maintain trust as well as supportive and also help in different situations. On the other hand, Parents was connect your born period times. Moreover, the formation of a child's personality is mostly based on the family, in which he has grown up. The basis values such as respect, discipline and right behavior can only be taught by responsible parents. Furthermore parents can tell traditional and country values for children's. For example, I remember that I was go exhibition and my parents tell me about how to talk for others as well as how to wear cloth each and everything things can tell me about exhibition. Children development family has most significant part. They can tell about good and bad things. In conclusion, his essay illustrated that television, friends and music are some of the key factors in the process of a child's development; however, family is the most prominent one among these factors.
In this modern Era, There are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
argument of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
media, pop cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
play are crucial role.
However
, Other believes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
perform are vital role to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
progress. In my perspective I believe media, pop cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
community play are essential role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
factors such as Television,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and music
are believed
to have more influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
.
For instance
, we
The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "live"
lives
in our society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of music as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
several types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "day"?
days
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movie then he/she can develop ideology as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as style and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
lesson about movie.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can apply in our life. Friendships teach about maintain trust as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as supportive and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
situations.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
was
Consider using a past participle here: "connected".
connect
your born period times.
Moreover
, the formation of a child's personality is
mostly
based on the family, in which he has grown up. The basis values such as respect, discipline and right behavior can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be taught
by responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
traditional and country values for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
.
For example
, I remember that I was
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
exhibition and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
me about how to talk for others as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as how to wear cloth each and everything things can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
me about exhibition. Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
family has most significant part. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.
In conclusion
, his essay illustrated that television,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and music are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
key factors in the process of a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
;
however
, family is the most prominent one among these factors.
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IELTS essay It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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