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Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can be done about it?

Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can be done about it? qQkME
In recent years, people have tendency to develop a sedentary lifestyle due to their strained career and impacts from the Internet, although more and more doctors show them a healthy habits. In this essay, I will some causes of this trend and give some possible solutions to address these mentioned problems. There are two main reasons to explain for unhealthy activities to be seen from people. First and foremost, a majority of people who live in the metropolitan areas are always too busy on their money -making actions for a whole of their time due to high living expenses as well as intense job pressure. As a result, it can be seen that many people would prefer to grab a take-aways like fast food and quick snack rather than sit down and have a proper meal. Additionally, a lot of citizens are suffering from insomnia because of severe influence from online social networks. To be more specific, they spend a lot of time to interact with others on those kinds of virtual community without caring about their sleeping habits. Consequently, their working performance and productivity are decreased due to sleep deprivation. This will lead to a great decline in their health and causes the risks of potential diseases. A range of measures could be addressed to tackle these issues from all members of our society. One of which is an effort to decrease the consumption of unhealthy food by the government regulations. In other words, uprising taxes on fast food products could be considered as one of the best solutions. Last but not least, it is noticeable that raising health consciousness to people should be a vital action must be taken at the highest level. For instance, we should create healthy education programs on the mainstream social media instruments to promote healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, people should change their mindset about keeping their unhealthy habits and begin to build up a new path towards wellness by taking advice from scientist to build up their healthy lifestyle.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tendency to develop a sedentary lifestyle due to their strained career and impacts from the Internet, although more and more doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "habit"?
habits
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this trend and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to address these mentioned problems.

There are two main reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
for unhealthy activities to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
and foremost, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the metropolitan areas are always too busy on their money -making actions for a whole of their time due to high living expenses
as well
as intense job pressure.
As a result
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to grab a
Possible spelling mistake found.
take-aways
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and quick snack
rather
than sit down and have a proper meal.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
citizens are suffering from insomnia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of severe influence from online social networks. To be more specific, they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to interact with others on those kinds of virtual community without caring about their sleeping habits.
Consequently
, their working performance and productivity
are decreased
due to sleep deprivation. This will lead to a great decline in their health and causes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of potential diseases.

A range of measures could
be addressed
to tackle these issues from all members of our society. One of which is an effort to decrease the consumption of unhealthy food by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
regulations.
In other words
, uprising taxes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food products could
be considered
as one of the best solutions. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is noticeable that raising health consciousness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be a vital action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
at the highest level.
For instance
, we should create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
education programs on the mainstream social media instruments to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mindset about keeping their unhealthy habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to build up a new path towards wellness by taking advice from scientist to build up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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