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Science may increase life of people up to the age of 100 years or even up to 200 years. Do you find it appropriate to enhance life expectancy of human being?

Science may increase life of people up to the age of 100 years or even up to 200 years. Do you find it appropriate to enhance life expectancy of human being? BMV09
Generally speaking, scientific inventions may increase the life of people up to hundred years or to two hundred years. By recent changes in genetic engineering, the life span of man may proliferate. Every individual wants to live long, but long life would have many pros and cons, and any alteration in nature's course of action can never be justified on the parameters of propriety. The first negative effect of enhanced life expectancy will be the increase in population, which will give rise to unemployment. There will also be a large generation gap among cohorts. Also, after the age of 80, people start becoming feeble thus they will require more medical facilities and the burden over other family members will increase. Higher population will consume more resources. Facilities, irrespective of their development, will never be sufficient. Good number of people will have poor health, so medical expenditure will be high. The living cost will raise so all family members will have to earn. Only privileged (rich) people will be able to live long and healthy life. People will be dependent on others for monitory and physical needs. More sources of income will be needed. On the other hand, if people will get longer life to live, they will be able to see more generation. If the person is very intelligent, new generation will get the benefits from his experience. They will have more innovative ideas. A person will get more time to enjoy the life. Traditions will be preserved for more generation. In closing, it is meaningless to live long life without health and wealth. It is not advisable to disturb natural life cycle. Not the number of years but the quality of life matters.
Generally
speaking, scientific inventions may increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
up to
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
years or to two hundred years. By recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in genetic engineering, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
may proliferate. Every individual wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros and cons, and any alteration in nature's course of action can never
be justified
on the parameters of propriety.

The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will be the increase in population, which will give rise to unemployment. There will
also
be a large generation gap among cohorts.
Also
, after the age of 80,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
becoming feeble
thus
they will require more medical facilities and the burden over other family members will increase. Higher population will consume more resources. Facilities, irrespective of their development, will never be sufficient.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have poor health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
medical expenditure will be high. The living cost will raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all family members will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
privileged (rich)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will be dependent on others for monitory and physical needs. More sources of income will
be needed
.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more generation. If the person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intelligent, new generation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefits from his experience. They will have more innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. A person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Traditions will
be preserved
for more generation.

In closing, it is meaningless to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without health and wealth. It is not advisable to disturb natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
cycle. Not the number of years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
matters.
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IELTS essay Science may increase life of people up to the age of 100 years or even up to 200 years. Do you find it appropriate to enhance life expectancy of human being?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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