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Nowadays, people are able to use the internet to do an increasing number of tasks. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, people are able to use the internet to do an increasing number of tasks. Is this a positive or negative development? 11GYW
Today internet users go online to complete a number of essential tasks. I do not think that it is entirely positive trend because while it enables a wealth of day-to-day activities to be accomplished it can also create some barriers. On the one hand, using an internet to conduct some tasks can bring benefits to society as a whole. Firstly, it is quite common nowadays to pay bills via credit cards which can be done using various apps online, such as Payme or Money manager. This opportunity ensures that people would make household and other payments on time; as a result, it reduces the workload of bank workers. Secondly, online shopping allows people to engage in more important daily tasks, like child upbringing or household chores, rather than spending a whale of time and energy in regular shopping by browsing through stores and looking for necessary products. Therefore, completion of activities on an internet not only increases the importance of other daily tasks, but also can serve as reminder of paying necessary bills. Having said these all, we should look at the dark side of this development. Its seems to me that there are some people who might utilize online internet resources to make realization of their greedy intentions. One of the examples of this would be cyber crime which might be far difficult to spot as opposed to regular law breaks. Although online money transfers from bank accounts are becoming safer today, there are some hackers who might be involved in an identity theft causing problems to its owners. Also, harmful and violent contents are created by some people to make financial resources out of it; however, they are left in dark that it would poison the minds of young people. Thus, some people use internet for their sake which in turn imposes number of barriers to community. In conclusion, the comfort of internet has made it easy for many to fulfill their goals, but I cannot say that it has had entirely positive impact on us.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
internet users go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to complete a number of essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while it enables a wealth of day-to-day activities to
be accomplished
it can
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
barriers.

On the one hand, using an internet to conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
can bring benefits to society as a whole.
Firstly
, it is quite common nowadays to pay bills via credit cards which can
be done
using various apps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Payme
or Money manager. This opportunity ensures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
household and other payments on time;
as a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the workload of bank workers.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, like child upbringing or household chores,
rather
than spending a whale of time and energy in regular shopping by browsing through stores and looking for necessary products.
Therefore
, completion of activities on an internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases the importance of other daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can serve as reminder of paying necessary bills.

Having said these all, we should look at the dark side of this development. Its seems to me that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who might utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
internet resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
realization of their greedy intentions. One of the examples of this would be cyber crime which might be far difficult to spot as opposed to regular law breaks. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
money transfers from bank accounts are becoming safer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hackers who might
be involved
in an identity theft causing problems to its owners.
Also
, harmful and violent contents
are created
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
financial resources out of it;
however
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in dark that it would poison the minds of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet for their sake which in turn imposes number of barriers to community.

In conclusion
, the comfort of internet has made it easy for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to fulfill their goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I cannot say that it has had
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on us.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people are able to use the internet to do an increasing number of tasks. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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