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Science is very important in the 21st century. How do you think it could be made more appealing to young people?

Science is very important in the 21st century. How do you think it could be made more appealing to young people? Nrlo2
In recent years, it has been observed an increase in the number of young people inspired to improve the world with science. More and more young scientists continue their development in the scientific community. It is observed an awareness among young people, that by virtue of their devoting of science, they could make the world better and the planet a better place to live. Scientific TV channels are the first touch with science for the future young researchers. When science is narrated in a fascinating way, this may inspire young scientists to follow the path of science in the future. Interactive museums could also be very interesting, especially when scientific experiments are demonstrated by students. This can stimulate the desire for discovery and different thinking among young people. In order science to be more appealing for young people, people in the scientific community should stimulate different, creative and unsettled way of finding a solutions, as well as to provide a space for expression of new ideas. Young researchers represent the future of science and often make unexpected discoveries, in many cases because of their different approach. I believe, that out-of-the-box thinking of young people could break down the stereotypes and undo misconceptions in all aspects of science. Due to these reasons, to give young researchers a space to create and apply their ideas is a good way to made science more appealing for young people.
In recent years, it has
been observed
an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inspired to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the world with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
scientists continue their development in the scientific community. It
is observed
an awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, that by virtue of their devoting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world better and the planet a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Scientific TV channels are the
first
touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
researchers. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is narrated
Consider replacing "in a fascinating way" with the adverb for "fascinating"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a fascinating way
, this may inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
scientists to follow the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in the future.

Interactive museums could
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting,
especially
when scientific experiments
are demonstrated
by students. This can stimulate the desire for discovery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thinking among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to be more appealing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the scientific community should stimulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, creative and unsettled way of finding
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a solution" or simply "solutions"?
a solutions
,
as well
as to provide a space for expression of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Young researchers represent the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unexpected discoveries, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach. I believe, that out-of-the-box thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could break down the stereotypes and undo misconceptions in all aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Due to these reasons, to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
researchers a space to create and apply their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
more appealing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.

IELTS essay Science is very important in the 21st century. How do you think it could be made more appealing to young people?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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