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science and technology are more important than History

People in the field of Science and Technology have been able to do major discoveries such as electricity, vaccines, computers and other numerous innovations which contributed to the well-being of the humans. Hence, one might perceive science and technology are more important than History. Nevertheless, there are some people including me, who believe that every subject has a unique importance and we cannot downplay any subject. The inescapable fact is that, the world has become more science oriented than before. Hence, more value and respect are given to the professions in the field of science and Technology. Owing to this fact, parents encourage children to become doctors, engineers and scientists which are careers biased towards science. Due to this, from a young age a picture is created in the minds of children to believe that these professions are superior to other professions. It has arguably resulted in more people to incline to these careers which in turn helps the scientific community get more work force. On the other hand, there are some people who believe History is the one of most important school subjects. Their argument is that History is the foundation of a civilization. Moreover, they believe that if a society to thrive, people in it should understand and give a proper value to their history. Another strong point which supports this argument is that we can learn from our history so that we are able to refrain from repeating the same mistakes we did in the past. For an example we learnt a lot lessons from the world wars that took place with the involvement of many countries. Every country makes sure that same mistake will not be done again. To sum up, while people should be given the freedom to choose a field they like, they should not look down upon other fields. Children should be taught to respect every field and a basic understanding should be given to them on both history and science.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology have been able to do major discoveries such as electricity, vaccines, computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
numerous innovations which contributed to the well-being of the humans.
Hence
, one might perceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including me, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that every subject has a unique
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
importance and
we cannot downplay any subject.

The inescapable fact is that, the world has become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
oriented than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Hence
, more value and respect are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the professions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and Technology. Owing to this fact, parents encourage children to become doctors, engineers and scientists which are careers biased towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Due to this, from a young age a picture
is created
in the minds of children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these professions are superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. It has
arguably
resulted in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to incline to these careers which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the scientific community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more work force.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the one of most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
school subjects. Their argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the foundation of a civilization.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if a society to thrive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in it should understand and give a proper value to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Another strong point which supports this argument is that we can learn from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we are able to refrain from repeating the same mistakes we did in the past. For an example we
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
If you mean a great quantity, use “a lot of lessons”.
a lot lessons
from the world wars that took place with the involvement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Every country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure that same mistake will not
be done
again.

To sum up, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
they like, they should not look down upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Children should
be taught
to respect every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and a basic understanding should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
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IELTS essay science and technology are more important than History

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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