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Schools should focus on STEM courses and less on art

Schools should focus on STEM courses and less on art NVwom
art plays an important role in our lives, giving people knowledge and joy. Some people believe that we should focus on STEM only, because it is more important and practical in our lives, which is totally incorrect in my opinion. I believe that art as essencial as STEM. To support my idea, I am going to enumarate some reasons. First, art as helpful and practical as stem in everyday life. People often consider STEM more important than Art, that is incorret in my opinion. Surely, STEM has made our lives easier by creating new technologies such as electric cars, smart phones, and internet, however, we should not forget that art is the food of our brain. Actually, it nourishs people's mind, which means it helps folks to relieve their stress and tension after a hectic day or week. For example, at weekends my family and I would go to theater occasionally, and it was realy enjoyable for me because I could forget all of my problems for some time and be happy. After seeing the play, I could start the next week with more energy and passion, which makes me more productive and hard-working during the week. As you can see, if we don't pay attention to art equally to art we can't have such a joyful and satisfying art production such as theater, museum, ect. Second, Art is history of a sciety, which means people need art to know about their origin and ancestors. Artists such as painters and actors usually try to depict people's culture and history in their products well becuase in my view many of them really care about the history of the scoiety by doing so a lot of people will appreciate them and their contribution to inform society about the history as well. Thus, in the history we have seen many paints or movies are about history of people. For example, last week I saw a movie on Tv which was about The first world war. Before seeing that, I did not know anything about the war and its consequence on my country and people. Also, It showed that how engineers made Tanks and weapons in that time, which was very insparing for me, and I could used a similar idea for my final year project. Had art not considered as Important as STEM I wouldn't have learned about past events and experiences. From what I have been disscussing above, Not only does art is history an culture of societies but also individuals' brain food making them unwind and creative. so, I wish governors and humankind would focus on art and STEM equally
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
art
plays an
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important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, giving
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people
knowledge and joy.
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Some
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people
believe that we should focus on
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STEM
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only
,
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because
it is more
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important
and practical in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which is
totally
incorrect in my opinion. I believe that
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art
as
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essencial
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM
. To support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I am going to
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enumarate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

First
,
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art
as helpful and practical as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stem
in everyday life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
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Art
,
that is
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incorret
in my opinion.
Surely
,
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STEM
has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier by creating new technologies such as electric cars, smart phones, and internet,
however
, we should not forget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the food of our brain. Actually, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
nourishs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind, which means it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
folks to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension after a hectic day or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
For example
, at weekends my family and I would go to theater
occasionally
, and it was
Possible spelling mistake found.
realy
enjoyable for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I could forget all of my problems for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time and be happy. After seeing the play, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
with more energy and passion, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me more productive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, if we don't pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
equally
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
we can't have such a joyful and satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
production such as theater, museum,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.

Second,
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Art
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sciety
, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to know about their origin and ancestors. Artists such as painters and actors
usually
try to depict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in their products well
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
in my view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
really
care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
scoiety
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will appreciate them and their contribution to inform society about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as well
.
Thus
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
paints or movies are about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a movie on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
which was about The
first
world war.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
seeing that, I did not know anything about the war and its consequence on my country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that how engineers made Tanks and weapons in that time, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
insparing
for me, and I could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "use"
used
a similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for my final year project. Had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
not considered as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM
I wouldn't have learned about past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and experiences.

From what I have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
disscussing
above, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Did you mean "be"?
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
culture of societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individuals' brain food making them unwind and creative.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, I wish governors and humankind would focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM
equally
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IELTS essay Schools should focus on STEM courses and less on art

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
438 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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