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Schools do not teach young people knowledge to look after their health. Do you agree with this opinion?

Schools do not teach young people knowledge to look after their health. Do you agree with this opinion? YLdrn
The education system does not provide youth with enough information in order to protect their health. This essay agrees with this statement because in the most of schools there is no ability to take a nutrition related subjects and the sport and recreation is marginalised. The main problem is that students are overwhelmed with a lot of different subjects they need to study and they do not learn about important health data. Our system puts on the first place subjects that are important for us in order to enrol in better universities later and get better jobs, but they don't teach us how to eat healthy and to maintain an active lifestyle. Students need to spend a majority of their day studying for demanding subjects and a school curriculum is left without department that teaches how to take care of themselves. Recent research concluded that more than 50 of high schools have a problem with obese attendees. Furthermore, in todays society, there is surge in the number of inactive minors and they have very little interest in sports. The most of their free time is being spent in front of tv screens, laptops and mobile phones while the rest of time they spend in their school desks. Only moment they have sports is once or twice per a week and that last for 45 minutes that is definitely not enough. A research study done by medical professors found that every human should have at least one hour of daily activity. In conclusion, schools should put more enthusiasm to make them a place where our younger generations can learn the importance of healthy life. Thus, point of interest should be divided between educational segment and entertainment part and more time should be granted to physical exercise in the class schedule.
The education system does not provide youth with
enough
information in order to protect their health. This essay
agrees
with this statement
because
in the most of
schools
there is no ability to take a nutrition related
subjects
and the sport and recreation is
marginalised
.

The main problem is that students
are overwhelmed
with
a lot of
different
subjects
they need to
study and
they do not learn about
important
health data. Our system puts on the
first
place
subjects
that are
important
for us in order to enrol in better universities later and
get
better jobs,
but
they don't teach us how to eat healthy and to maintain an active lifestyle. Students need to spend a majority of their day studying for demanding
subjects
and a
school
curriculum is
left
without department that teaches how to take care of themselves. Recent research concluded that more than 50 of high
schools
have a problem with obese attendees.

Furthermore
, in
todays
society, there is surge in the number of inactive
minors and
they have
very
little
interest in sports. The most of their free time is
being spent
in front of
tv
screens, laptops and mobile phones while the rest of time they spend in their
school
desks.
Only
moment they have sports is once or twice per a week and that last for 45 minutes
that is
definitely not
enough
. A research study done by medical professors found that every human should have at least one hour of daily activity.

In conclusion
,
schools
should put more enthusiasm to
make
them a place where our younger generations can learn the importance of healthy life.
Thus
, point of interest should
be divided
between educational segment and entertainment part and more time should
be granted
to physical exercise in the
class
schedule.
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IELTS essay Schools do not teach young people knowledge to look after their health. Do you agree with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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