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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of the society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of the society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school? VBYVQ
In today's era, everyone is showing their interest towards different art and music forms like, dancing, playing instruments, painting to release stress from their daily hectic schedule. Technology has helped them by providing guidance towards learning new arts. One can easily access any video from internet and start to acquire knowledge of musically instruments. In my opinion, these play an important role both in youngsters life and elder people's life who have passion towards these arts and music forms. First, we are living in increasingly stressful world. With increase in technology, new jobs are created which lead to growth of stress in our lives. Art and music play a vital role in relaxing and calming your body and mind. After a hectic day one can listen to smooth songs or paint on a canvas. Another thing is music and art helps to increase creativeness. One with interest in art and music will have more productivity than the one without. Lastly, it also unites people with similar interests. For example, in a live concert thousands of people gather to listen to songs sing by singers. Children are like wet cement, whatever falls on them makes an impression. Children spending more time learning new things like art and music will help them with life decisions as well as career options. In addition, music tends to relive stress and anxiety with any side-effects. Parents should encourage their children in learning new art and music in depth. To illustrate, researcher has found that inculcating art and music in their daily schedule help them concentrating in their studies. In conclusion, I strongly agree that art and music even today play an indispensable role in most of the individuals. And it is necessary that today's generation should also show enthusiasm and learn. It is our responsibility as parents and teachers to explain the importance and allow them to learn these fine arts if they are really interested.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era, everyone is showing their interest towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
forms like, dancing, playing instruments, painting to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from their daily hectic schedule. Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them by providing guidance towards learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. One can
easily
access any video from internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to acquire knowledge of
musically
instruments. In my opinion, these play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role both in youngsters life and elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life who have passion towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
forms.

First
, we are living in
increasingly
stressful world. With increase in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
jobs
are created
which lead to growth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play a vital role in relaxing and calming your body and mind. After a hectic day one can listen to smooth songs or paint on a canvas. Another thing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase creativeness. One with interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will have more productivity than the one without.
Lastly
, it
also
unites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with similar interests.
For example
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concert thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gather to listen to songs sing by singers.

Children are like wet cement, whatever falls on them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an impression. Children spending more time learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with life decisions
as well
as career options.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
tends to relive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety with any
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
. Parents should encourage their children in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in depth. To illustrate, researcher has found that inculcating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in their daily schedule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'their' is used with an infinitive: "to concentrate" or "concentrate".
concentrating
in their studies.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
play an indispensable role in most of the individuals. And it is necessary that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
enthusiasm and learn. It is our responsibility as parents and teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the importance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to learn these fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
if they are
really
interested.
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IELTS essay Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of the society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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