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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.11

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 11
Schools are now focusing on teaching traditional subjects such as history than any other subject and some people argue that more time should be dedicated to teaching skills that will help the school children with job opportunities. In my opinion, I strongly agree that spending more school hours in impacting knowledge that will provide students with job opportunities is the best. First of all, teaching a subject such as history more than other subjects are a total waste of institute hours. This is because there are other courses that the students need to be successful in life, therefore, skills such as painting, hair making and web designing should be taught in academy. Furthermore, these are basic skills that can help children in future with employment or help them start self owned businesses. For example, a graduate who is in search of a job can venture into hair making, which will help bring in income. In addition, lecturing pupils with skills can help them make life decisions as they might develop an interest in the particular skills taught. It also prevents confusion as to what they want to become in future. For instance, a child who has basic knowledge of various skills can easily decide what he wants to become in future. This helps the school children who are lectured on skills better. In conclusion, it is better to divert the time spent on history classes to lecturing skills that can help students with task opportunities. By doing this, it can help academy children in making life decisions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
focusing on teaching traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as history than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that more time should
be dedicated
to teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with job opportunities. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours in impacting knowledge that will provide students with job opportunities is the best.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, teaching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
such as history more than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are a total waste of institute hours. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are other courses that the students need to be successful in life,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as painting, hair making and web designing should
be taught
in academy.
Furthermore
, these are basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in future with employment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
self
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
businesses.
For example
, a graduate who is in search of a job can venture into hair making, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
bring in income.

In addition
, lecturing pupils with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life decisions as they might develop an interest in the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
taught. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
confusion as to what they want to become
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
, a child who has basic knowledge of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
easily
decide what he wants to become
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are lectured
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
better.

In conclusion
, it is better to divert the time spent on history classes to lecturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students with task opportunities. By doing this, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
academy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in making life decisions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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