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schools and parents must take responsibility for children to resolve this problem.

schools and parents must take responsibility for children to resolve this problem. paLMd
Children nowadays have negative habits due to the development of living standards. Some people believe that schools and parents must take responsibility for children to resolve this problem. In my opinion, I totally agree with this statement. There are several reasons that affect children’s lifestyles. First of all, living in the 21st century with the development of technology especially the Internet has a great impact on them. For example, kids whose ages from 4 to 8 years old tend to use a phone, laptops and playing video games at an early age. They have been playing these games from 5 to 6 hours per day and pass the meal of also going to bed late. In addition, children would prefer to eat fast food rather than eating healthy food. Besides, schools play an important role in educating. The education system just focuses on teaching theory about culture, history, and ethics but they neglect to teach the importance of a healthy life. For instance, schools don’t teach enough knowledge about physical exercises so pupils are obese. Moreover, some kids after having a meal they don’t wash their hands and touch or play with other kids with dirty hands which may lead to Hand-Foot-Mouth-Disease. On the other hand, not only schools but parents also have responsibility for their children’s awareness about the importance of their health. The first reason why children have bad habits is parents don’t spend time taking care of their children because they are busy with their work. Therefore, they give their kids money to eat outside such as food vendors, fast food stores. To solve this problem, parents should manage their child strictly or cook for the meal. Furthermore, they must give their children money and do not let their freedom on eating, especially eating oily and fatty food causing obesity and cardiovascular. In conclusion, there are plenty ways of educating children about a healthy lifestyle. Schools and parents play a key role in teaching because it is easier to change their behavior about lifestyle when they are still young rather than they become mature adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habits due to the development of living standards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to resolve this problem. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

There are several reasons that affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
lifestyles.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, living in the 21st century with the development of technology
especially
the Internet has a great impact on them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
whose ages from 4 to 8 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a phone, laptops and playing video games at an early age. They have been playing these games from 5 to 6 hours per day and pass the meal of
also
going to bed late.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would prefer to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than eating healthy food.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in educating. The education system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focuses on teaching theory about culture, history, and ethics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they neglect to teach the importance of a healthy life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
don’t teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about physical exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pupils are obese.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
after having a meal they don’t wash their hands and touch or play with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with dirty hands which may lead to Hand-Foot-Mouth-Disease.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
have responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness about the importance of their health. The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t spend time taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are busy with their work.
Therefore
, they give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
money to eat outside such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
vendors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stores. To solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should manage their child
strictly
or cook for the meal.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
money and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their freedom on eating,
especially
eating oily and fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
causing obesity and cardiovascular.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
ways of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about a healthy lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a key role in teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their behavior about lifestyle when they are
still
young
rather
than they become mature adults.
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IELTS essay schools and parents must take responsibility for children to resolve this problem.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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