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schoolchildren learn about the value of money

The importance of educating children of value for money in school subject list has been a compelling issue to the public. Some argue that this knowledge should be given as one of the school studies. I completely disagree with this opinion because young learners should be allowed to choose their favorite subjects and the parent's role will be more significant to teach it. Children are burdened with numerous subjects in their formal schools and it makes children less interested in learning other subjects. This is mainly because there is a massive demanding requirement for further education that forced them to study many fields of subjects at primary educational institutions. To give a clear example, most Indonesian high school students have been stressed caused by various subjects that must be passed before they enter the campus environment. Thus, adding some subjects related to the worth of money to the school curriculum will slower the children's learning process. Besides that, It is the parents' role to educate their children about the importance of money. Moreover, parents can teach the value of money to their kids in many ways in their daily activities so that kids can learn by doing something real. Recent research articles mentioned that pupils who are taught by their ascendants in their early ages will be more successful to manage their financial expenditure when they grow old. Therefore, the parent's teaching is playing a significant role in children's understanding of money. In conclusion, put the understanding of the meaning of money to the children is essential to their lives. However, it is not necessary to put this kind of knowledge into the school curriculum at the moment.
The importance of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of value for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
list has been a compelling issue to the public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that this knowledge should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies. I completely disagree with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young learners should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and the parent's role will be more significant to teach it.

Children
are burdened
with numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in their formal
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schools and
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less interested in learning other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a massive demanding requirement for
further
education that forced them to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at primary educational institutions. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, most Indonesian high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
caused by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be passed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they enter the campus environment.
Thus
, adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum will slower the children's learning process.

Besides
that, It is the parents' role to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, parents can teach the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their kids in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways in their daily activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids can learn by doing something real. Recent research articles mentioned that pupils who
are taught
by their ascendants in their early ages will be more successful to manage their financial expenditure when they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Therefore
, the parent's teaching is playing a significant role in children's understanding of money.

In conclusion
, put the understanding of the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is essential to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, it is not necessary to put this kind of knowledge into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum at the moment.
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IELTS essay schoolchildren learn about the value of money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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