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School children today take part in short work experience sessions instead of school. (Positive/negative)

School children today take part in short work experience sessions instead of school. (Positive/negative) oxl1X
Being financially wealthy is consider as prestige status in today's society. However, few children get influence by these status ans they are willing to achieve those milestones at young age. Therefore, some school children take part in temporary work to gain experience ad well as wages. Moreover, I believe that adopting shorr work experience at early age, has it's own positive outcomes rather than having any negative consequences. To begin with, kids who started any part time jobs from their childhood are more likely to seems as more mature in society. For instances, it has been observed from a survey which was conducted in New york, united states in 2006 represents that, students whi were working during their school time were more focused and had great grasping ability in class compare to other students. As a result, most of working students paying their tuition fees by their own. Furthermore, some children are supposed to engage themselves into part time jobs because of their family's financial background. Therefore, these children do not have an alternative option except work. Meanwhile, few of them want to support their family and have to become a responsible family member and that's why a lot of them takes part in short work experience. On the other hand, students who do not have any work experience during their teen age are seems like more distracted in comparison. To sum up with, having short work experience as well as attending school both are important aspects for an individual child. However, acquiring job experience frim young age has always positive consequences instead of drawbacks.
Being
financially
wealthy is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
as prestige status in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.
However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influence by
Did you mean "this status" or "these statuses"?
these status
ans they are willing to achieve those milestones at young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
ad well as wages.
Moreover
, I believe that adopting
Possible spelling mistake found.
shorr
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes
rather
than having any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
any
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs from their childhood are more likely to seems as more mature in society. For instances, it has
been observed
from a survey which
was conducted
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New york
,
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
united states
in 2006 represents that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
whi
were working during their school time were more focused and had great grasping ability in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
,
Consider using "most working" or "most of the working".
most of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
paying their tuition fees by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are supposed
to engage themselves into
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their family's financial background.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have an alternative option except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Meanwhile, few of them want to support their family and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become a responsible family member and that's why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
during their teen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are seems like more distracted
in comparison
. To sum up with, having short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as well
as attending school both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects for an individual child.
However
, acquiring job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
Possible spelling mistake found.
frim
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences
instead
of drawbacks.
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IELTS essay School children today take part in short work experience sessions instead of school. (Positive/negative)

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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