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School children are affected by many people in the development of their intelligence and social skills. Do parents have a great influence on their development, or do teacher also play a significant role in their progress?

School children are affected by many people in the development of their intelligence and social skills. Do parents have a great influence on their development, or do teacher also play a significant role in their progress? Aw5yx
It is believed that some teachers who are excellent, knowledgeable and experienced will help students to do well in academic learning. However, in my opinion, although teachers may have certain impacts on this, I personally disagree that parents have less influence on their children’s intelligence and social skills than teachers. On the one hand, it is admitted that teachers can affect the growth of their students in terms of intelligence and social dexterity. In fact, students, especially young children, are highly sensitive to people’s behaviours around them. Therefore, when students are sent to school, they spend most of their time with their teachers and this why their development can be easily influenced by teaching them. In addition to, teachers also educate them about valuable life lessons during their initial school years. They can meet or make friends with other children of the same age at school to begin a form some of their first friendship. Nevertheless, the effect of parents on their children is much more important than that of teachers. Firstly, parents spend far more time with their children than any individual teacher is able to do. They can teach or direct the outdoor activities to their children outside school times, at weekends and also during holidays. Also, unlike teacher who are in a change of looking after many students at the same time, parents have only one or few children to take care of, they are able to spend more time talking or playing game with them to help them better in communication or thinking skills. It is hardly possible for teachers to do this. Secondly, parents are able to provide role models in a whole range of situations. These might include showing respect towards elders, choice of friends or the attitude when go outside or go to the restaurant. In conclusion, despite some good impacts of teachers which can define how intelligent and how good at social skills on students, parents still have a great influence on their children. In my view, it is essential for both of them to join hands for take care of them and the sake of the comprehensive growth of children.
It
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who are excellent, knowledgeable and experienced will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do well in academic learning.
However
, in my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
may have certain impacts on this, I
personally
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intelligence and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than teachers.

On the one hand, it
is admitted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can affect the growth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in terms of intelligence and social dexterity. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, are
highly
sensitive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
around them.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and this why their development can be
easily
influenced by teaching them.
In addition
to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
also
educate them about valuable life lessons during their initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the same age at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
first
friendship.

Nevertheless
, the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend far more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than any individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is able to do. They can teach or direct the outdoor activities to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, at weekends and
also
during holidays.
Also
, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
who are in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of looking after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take care of, they are able to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
talking or playing game with them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them better in communication or thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is hardly possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to do this.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to provide role models in a whole range of situations. These might include showing respect towards elders, choice of friends or the attitude when go outside or go to the restaurant.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
which can define how intelligent and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
have a great influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my view, it is essential for both of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands for take care of them and the sake of the comprehensive growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay School children are affected by many people in the development of their intelligence and social skills. Do parents have a great influence on their development, or do teacher also play a significant role in their progress?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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