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School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. v.3

School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. v. 3
Music makes mind pleasant, music makes a person’s mind rejuvenated relieved and de-stressed. Inculcating music from childhood days develops a good impact on one's mindset as the child grows, so it is good that music is made a part of schooling subject in school. If we consider the benefits of listening and practising music, it is surprising to note that music rejuvenates and refreshes minds of people. Music soothes a soul which in want for some peace, it is also said that music heals and changes attitudes of a person. Apart from the personal benefits, the music changed people’s lives. Many contemporary musicians developed their native music in such a way that we sing and hum to their tunes though it might not be understandable by us. For example, the music series by “The Corrs” especially the feathers made us feel the essence of music. Musicians who opted music as their career developed themselves as Icons and for them the sky is the no limit for their achievements. If music is nurtured from childhood days, their attitudes develop and even their gentleness develops making them as gentlemen and women. Apart from the personal benefits, if the music is learned from the beginning we could see in future many musicians who could do wonders with music. As far as my opinion is concerned music should be a part of subjects and should be taught and practised right from the childhood days, further I completely disagree that money and time spent on music is a waste. Though importance has to be given to the science and computers, a music class does not steal the scientific and computing knowledge out of child’s curriculum and mind Finally, I conclude that spending time and money on music is never a waste, in fact, it helps in aiding children’s mind in absorbing the scientific and computing aspects which are cumbersome.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
pleasant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
rejuvenated relieved and de-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. Inculcating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from childhood days develops a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on one's mindset as the child grows,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is made
a part of schooling subject in school.

If we consider the benefits of listening and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it is surprising to note that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rejuvenates and refreshes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
soothes a soul which in want for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
peace, it is
also
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
heals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
attitudes of a person.

Apart from the personal benefits, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
contemporary musicians developed their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in such a way that we sing and hum to their tunes though it might not be understandable by us.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
series by “The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Corrs
”
especially
the feathers made us feel the essence of music.

Musicians who opted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their career developed themselves as Icons and for them the sky is the no limit for their achievements. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is nurtured
from childhood days, their attitudes develop and even their gentleness develops making them as gentlemen and women. Apart from the personal benefits, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is learned
from the beginning we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musicians who could do wonders with music.

As far as my opinion
is concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be a part of subjects and should
be taught
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
right from the childhood days,
further
I completely disagree that money and time spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a waste. Though importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the science and computers, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
does not steal the scientific and computing knowledge out of child’s curriculum and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
mind


Finally
, I conclude that spending time and money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is never a waste, in fact, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in aiding children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in absorbing the scientific and computing aspects which are cumbersome.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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