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School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources, such as the Internet and television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources, such as the Internet and television. v. 5
There are split opinions about making extremely louder sounds should be considered as an illegal activity. Some believe that this activity should be punishable by the law, whereas another group of thinkers are not supporting this. In my opinion, it should be counted as a criminal offence. However, both the aspects will be discussed further. There are several reasons for taking this act as a unlawful. The foremost one is that it creates the noise pollution as it disturbs the whole environment, including the neighbourhood, general public as well as animals. Certain people did not bother about other people and their surroundings. In such cases this act should be punishable. For instance, in many countries, making noise near hospitals or schools cause a heavy penalty Additionally, people could suffer with the hearing issues through high level of volume. Even if they are in their homes they might get affected by it. Moreover, extremely noise can also lead to insomnia and other sleeping problems. The Elderly and children are the most who gets affected by this serious act. For example, if any, family living in an area which is surrounded by machines and factories than they might have face the health problems. On the other hand, some say that people should have the freedom to make as much noise as they want. The foremost argument is that creating a noise is considered as a type of recreational activity. For example, music concerts or cheering for a cricket match can give people full energy and people have rights to do that. To conclude and give my opinion, I would say that producing a high level of noise at the residence or any restricted area such as nearby hospitals and schools should be taken as an unlawful activity. However, people should have freedom to make noise while enjoying any recreational facilities.
There
are split
opinions about making
extremely
louder sounds should
be considered
as an illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should be punishable by the law, whereas another group of thinkers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
not supporting this. In my opinion, it should
be counted
as a criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
However
, both the aspects will
be discussed
further
.

There are several reasons for taking this act as
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a unlawful
. The foremost one is that it creates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution as it disturbs the whole environment, including the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
,
Consider using "public".
general public
as well
as animals. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not bother about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their surroundings. In such cases this act should be punishable.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
near hospitals or schools cause a heavy
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
penalty


Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could suffer with the hearing issues through high level of volume.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
they are in their homes they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it.
Moreover
,
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
can
also
lead to insomnia and other sleeping problems. The Elderly and children are the most who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this serious act.
For example
, if any, family living in an area which
is surrounded
by machines and factories than they might have
Use past participle here: "faced".
face
the health problems.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want. The foremost argument is that creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is considered
as a type of recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
For example
, music concerts or cheering for a cricket match can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
full energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have rights to do that.

To conclude
and give my opinion, I would say that producing a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
at the residence or any restricted area such as nearby hospitals and schools should
be taken
as an unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
while enjoying any recreational facilities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources, such as the Internet and television. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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