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satisfactory jobs or secure jobs?

satisfactory jobs or secure jobs? JoQYB
Job, as we all know, for the majority of people, is the most important part of their life. Due to the paramount importance of the job, efforts for elevating its effectiveness have always been among the top priority of scholars. In this regard, on the one hand, many people support this opinion that if an individual find a secure job should grasp it. On the other hand, many have a different ideas. Similarly, I believe that a secure job will have numerous positive effects on a person`s life. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoint. The first reason that makes me hold the belief that a secure job is favorable is related to self-confidence. Undoubtedly, one of the most important criteria that define one`s position in society is the job. If there were no jobs, this position would be lost. Apparently, unless a person has a secure job that gives him enough money, he can introduce himself as a member of society that belongs to a certain stratification of community. No money means no class and thus no self-confidence. Evidently, both earning money and belonging feelings are fundamental for self- confidence. Scientifically speaking, in many countries- especially developing ones- as a result of the high rate of unemployment and low secure job opportunities, residents do not show such feelings. Literary, it means the lower job exists in a community, the lower self-confidence among citizens is seen. Another equally noteworthy reason to bear in mind is satisfaction. Without a doubt, the salary a person earns conveys the feeling of productivity to him. Needless to say, one of the elements of life satisfaction is productivity, that having a job can provide it. Even a low paid job is better than unemployment. Although many critics may challenge this idea and debate that having a dream job will improve people`s creativity, an increasing number of people who want to have any kind of job show another aspect. Take my personal experience as an example. In other words, people are seeking the satisfaction of themselves through the job. A couple of years ago, I was searching for my dream job, and I endured long-lasting unemployment and depression as well, unfortunately. After a while, I had to work because of the monetary problems I had at that time. Although it was not a dream job, it provided me enough money and a secure work environment. Surprisingly, I have continued that job up to now because it transmits the feeling of contentment. What would have happened if I had persisted in my dream job? I would drown into depression and my life became undesirable. To summarize, contemplating all remarks, we can safely conclude that generally speaking, in many circumstances, a secure job is far better than a satisfactory one. Since it not only provides self-confidence but also makes a person feel satisfied.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
, as we all know, for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Due to the paramount importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, efforts for elevating its effectiveness have always been among the top priority of scholars. In this regard, on the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support this opinion that if an individual find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should grasp it.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "idea"?
ideas
.
Similarly
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will have numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on a
The character between 'person' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "person’s" (curly apostrophe) or "person's" (straight apostrophe).
person`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoint.

The
first
reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me hold the belief that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is favorable
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-confidence
.
Undoubtedly
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
criteria that define
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
position in society is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, this position would
be lost
.
Apparently
, unless a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that gives him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he can introduce himself as a member of society that belongs to a certain stratification of community. No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
thus
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-confidence
.
Evidently
, both earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and belonging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
are fundamental for self- confidence.
Scientifically
speaking, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries-
especially
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones-
as a result
of the high rate of unemployment and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, residents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
. Literary, it means the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
exists in a community, the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-confidence
among citizens is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

Another
equally
noteworthy reason to bear in mind is satisfaction. Without a doubt, the salary a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
earns conveys the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of productivity to him. Needless to say, one of the elements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction is productivity, that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can provide it. Even a low paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better than unemployment. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critics may challenge this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and debate that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
creativity, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to have any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
another aspect. Take my personal experience as an example.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are seeking the satisfaction of themselves through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. A couple of years ago, I was searching for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and I endured long-lasting unemployment and depression
as well
, unfortunately. After a while, I had to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the monetary problems I had at that time. Although it was not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it provided me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
work environment.
Surprisingly
, I have continued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it transmits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of contentment. What would have happened if I had persisted in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
? I would drown into depression and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
became undesirable.

To summarize
, contemplating all remarks, we can
safely
conclude that
generally
speaking, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is far better than a satisfactory one. Since it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
feel satisfied.
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IELTS essay satisfactory jobs or secure jobs?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
480 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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