Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Sample essay which describe the moment you enter to your loved site

Sample essay which describe the moment you enter to your loved site ew307
Whilst it is arguable, our modern society is breaking down with mental illnesses and well-being problems such as depression or obesity, our grandparents lived a better soul compared to our generation. The new lifestyles chosen by us is fighting the state of health because of the absence of outdoor activities including hanging out and spending time with friends and family as well as lack of exercise level. The causes that drive this issue can be quite varied but one the major one is the low involvement of outdoor activities and this can effects two noteworthy aspects of our activity, before getting to those points, let seek the reason behind. Now a day’s people are forced to work longer hours in order to keep up with the pace of fast-speed changing growth. More hours at the job leaves us with limited time left to divide into different parts of heart. Sadly most of this valuable time is consumed by social media and networks like Facebook or Instagram, rather than being used for socializing and getting people out to start a vigorous exercise and promote better health. A solution for this growing issue is vital and will not be achieved easily. Surely the government must take action into this problem and sort it out by encouraging programs, for instance lowering the taxes of gyms and sports clubs. Furthermore to control the situation the fundamental education at young ages can reduce the absence of outdoor activity’s adverse reactions by creating a different mindset. Besides the NGOs can raise awareness about the social and personal outcome of the loneliness and related problems caused by this situation through exercise campaigns and calling public sports activities. In conclusion, no one denies that in spite of our advanced development, we have to work harder and longer to reach personal goals and fulfilment, keeping the balance is essential as well. A night out with friends after a busy day at the job and eating out with the family to finish off the day or hitting the day by a walk or a run before work with a colleague wouldn’t hurt but with no doubt, it will benefit both mental and physical health level.
Whilst it is arguable, our modern society is breaking down with mental illnesses and well-being problems such as depression or obesity, our grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a better soul compared to our generation. The new lifestyles chosen by us is fighting the state of health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
including hanging out and spending time with friends and family
as well
as lack of exercise level.

The causes that drive this issue can be quite varied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one the major one is the low involvement of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and this can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "effect"
effects
two noteworthy aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting to those points,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
seek the reason behind.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to work longer hours in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the pace of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-speed changing growth. More hours
In English, people don't say "at the job". They say, 'on the job' or 'at work'. Did you mean "on the job" or "at work"?
at the job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us with limited time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to divide into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of heart.
Sadly
most of this valuable time
is consumed
by social media and networks like Facebook or Instagram,
rather
than being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for socializing and getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a vigorous exercise and promote better health.

A solution for this growing issue is vital and will not
be achieved
easily
.
Surely
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take action into this problem and sort it out by encouraging programs,
for instance
lowering the taxes of gyms and sports clubs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
to control the situation the fundamental education at young ages can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the absence of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity’s
adverse reactions by creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset.
Besides
the NGOs can raise awareness about the social and personal outcome of the loneliness and related problems caused by this situation through exercise campaigns and calling public sports activities.

In conclusion
, no one denies that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
our advanced development, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder and longer to reach personal goals and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
, keeping the balance is essential
as well
. A night out with friends after a busy day
In English, people don't say "at the job". They say, 'on the job' or 'at work'. Did you mean "on the job" or "at work"?
at the job
and eating out with the family to finish off the day or hitting the day by a walk or a run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
work with a colleague wouldn’t hurt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with no doubt, it will benefit both mental and physical health level.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Sample essay which describe the moment you enter to your loved site

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    Good relationship between different countries are becoming more important to solve global problems.
    It is an inevitable fact that relationship between different countries plays a crucial role to help to solve hurdles of different regions. I agree to the above statement and will be explain in the further paragraph. There should be a good relations between different terrain it can be found benefici...
  • 5.5band
    group and team activity are more important than the activities done alone.
    Nowadays, partnership campaign can help people learn more skills that will be usefull in life. Compared to activities that performed individually. however, many people believe that they could be benefited more important skills by interacting with others than being isolated. this essay will be argue ...
  • 6band
    Should public transportation be free for city residents?
    Firstly, making public transport free, the Government would be encouraging people to use public transport instead of driving to and from work. This would reduce the number of cars on the road. Global warming is a serious issue and if public transport was free, more people would use it, taking cars o...
  • 5band
    Is it important for a country to have festivals?
    Yes, I do believe that festivals are immensely important for a country and its people because of many reasons. Firstly, these celebrations represent the cultural and national identity of this country. Besides, festivals also attract international tourists and boost the tourism industry and of course...
  • 5band
    the usefulness of pet therapy for people
    Nourishing pets such as dogs, cats or fish is one of the extremely effective measures to solve human psychological problems. According to some studies, having a pet to take care for or play with makes many people feel better and healthier. After a tiring day of work or study, owners will find happin...
  • 5.5band
    Face-to-face meetings with people are much more effective than meetings held on the telephone or via the internet.
    In this fast developing world, people have multiple choice for their communicateion methods as the technology advance. Meeting online or held on the telephone are popular increasingly and replace face-to-face meeting sometimes. They have different effectiveness. In personally, I tend to meeting onli...