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Same scientist think that all computers will soon become more intelligent than human. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Same scientist think that all computers will soon become more intelligent than human. with this statement? GE1j
Some of the people say that modern computers will be help to find all discoveries in future. Others think that these modern computers are discovered to use by scientists. Personally, I completely disagree with this view. On the one hand, there are a lot of kinds of computers in the world, in the results all of the people extremely buy them to employ what they want. Thereafter scientists manage it to define events which will be in future. For example, it may be the weather the next day or month, in addition, changes of the universe are studied by the computer by well-educated people. So they believe that they are so clever that it is useful. On the other hand, in some parts of the world computers still be thrived by intellectuals because all of the computers were discovered by human. If person does not rule computer, it will be never work to use. For instance, the first important computer was discovered by Jon Mauch and Presper Ekert in Pensilvance University which it was called ENIAC. After having used that computer, most of the scientists had invented other modern computers to learn the secrets of the world. In conclusion, many traditional ways of the life have been lost as a result of advances in technology which is computer, but other traditional communities have survived and even flourished. Therefore I think that the modern computers are clever because of human's conscience of course.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
computers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find all discoveries
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
computers
are discovered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by scientists.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this view.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
kinds of computers in the world, in the results
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them to employ what they want.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
scientists manage it to define
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which will be
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For example
, it may be the weather the
next
day or month,
in addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of the universe
are studied
by the computer by well-educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they believe that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
clever that it is useful.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world computers
still
be thrived
by intellectuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Consider using "all the".
all of the
computers
were discovered
by human. If person does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
computer, it will be never work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For instance
, the
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
computer
was discovered
by Jon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mauch
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Presper
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ekert
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pensilvance
University which it
was called
Possible spelling mistake found.
ENIAC
. After having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
that computer, most of the scientists had invented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
computers to learn the secrets of the world.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional ways of the life have
been lost
as a result
of advances in technology which is computer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
traditional communities have survived and even flourished.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
computers are clever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of human's conscience
of course
.
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IELTS essay Same scientist think that all computers will soon become more intelligent than human. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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