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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar A3rOX
There is no doubt that a lot of processed food and beverage products include considerable amount of sweet, that bring about several physical problems. It is often argued that products which contain sweet ought to be high-priced to prevent people to eat more sugary product while I completely disagree with this statement. The most compelling reason for this for holding to my view is that these types of products make people addictive to them. Hence, once a person addict these sugary products, even if she know it’s harmful for her health, continue to consume them. If the government increase taxes on them, she will not leave this bad habit. There are several similar cases that people can see on their environment. For instance, many people, who smoke regularly, aware of the harmful effects of cigars, but they cannot leave to use simply. The other reason is that a number of people think that they are persuaded by the government. They don’t believe this sweet products are harmful and they continue to consume. Also, several people believe that this type of increase in the prices is just because the desire more taxes of the government. For that reason, people don’t stop to consume them. In my country, people pay almost a car cost to the government as a taxes of the product. So, they wouldn’t believe them if the prices were rose. In conclusion, due to the these are addictive products and high tax rates of some products. I believe that under no circumstances people will stop consume these beverages and foods.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
processed food and beverage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
include considerable amount of sweet, that bring about several physical problems. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which contain sweet ought to be high-priced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat more sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
while I completely disagree with this statement.

The most compelling reason for this for holding to my view is that these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addictive to them.
Hence
, once a person addict these sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, even if she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "knows", "knew".
know
it’s harmful for her health, continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on them, she will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit. There are several similar cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on their environment.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who smoke
regularly
, aware of the harmful effects of cigars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
simply
.

The other reason is that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
are persuaded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. They don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harmful and
they continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
.
Also
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this type of increase in the prices is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the desire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
them. In my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay almost a car cost to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they wouldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
them if the prices were rose.

In conclusion
, due to the these are addictive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rates of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that under no circumstances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
these beverages and foods.
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IELTS essay Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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