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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. bYDKQ
One of the biggest challenges human societies facing in the 21sh century is poverty. There is no doubt only financial aid can not break the poverty cycle in developing countries, in my opinion, developed countries should provide all different kinds of international aids which includes financial aids. It is clear that solving poverty requests all different types of support developed countries can provide. It is because the community can achieve a more balanced development over time with more well-structured aids. For instance, India not only received investment from America, but they also used foreign aid to developed their education system and that directly leads India to become a country with the world's second-largest IT industry. In contrast, if a country entirely depends on other countries' financial aid, it can only help to solve temporary problems which the citizens will continue to struggle in the future. However, the developing countries still need direct money support in the foreseeable future. This is due to the nature of the weakness of economic structure in the developing countries which cannot support their own people who will struggle every time there is a national crisis. For example, the UN has to provide financial aids for some African countries to prevent people from dying from a lack of basic life supplies, for example, food, clean water and medication. If there is no feasible financial help in place for the less unfortunate people in a developing country, there is a chance there are no people left after one pandemic. In conclusion, although other types of help from the developed country can empower the people to break down the cycle of poverty fundamentally by changing their industrial structure, financial aid can make sure people are better prepared in regards to crisis and have the chance to change their fate.
One of the biggest challenges human societies facing in the 21sh century is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. There is no doubt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
can not break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
cycle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aids.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
requests all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the community can achieve a more balanced development over time with more well-structured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
.
For instance
, India not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
received investment from America,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
their education system and that
directly
leads India to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the world's second-largest IT industry.
In contrast
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
entirely
depends on other countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve temporary problems which the citizens will continue to struggle in the future.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
need direct money support in the foreseeable future. This is due to the nature of the weakness of economic structure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which cannot support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will struggle every time there is a national crisis.
For example
, the UN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from dying from a lack of basic life supplies,
for example
, food, clean water and medication. If there is no feasible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in place for the less unfortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, there is a chance there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
after one pandemic.

In conclusion
, although other types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can empower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to break down the cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
fundamentally
by changing their industrial structure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are better prepared
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
crisis and have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their fate.
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IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?