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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v.18

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 18
Some of the major technological advancements in the last few decades came with the advent of the Internet. Many believe that the Internet has helped people collaborate and communicate better compared to the past. I strongly agree that the Internet has helped people connect with each other effortlessly. Firstly, the Internet has made keeping in touch with loved ones easier than ever. A few years ago, the only way of communication with family and friends in other cities or countries would have been through telephones or letters which did not come without challenges like cost and time delay. With the availability of Internet based video calling facilities, it is not the case anymore. For example, applications like Skype and WhatsApp help people can see, talk and share emotions being in different places. Hence, staying in touch has certainly improved. Furthermore, in the Internet era, finding out details about various events and registering for them has become easier. In the past people had to approach companies in person for this. However, every company has its own website now and information can be obtained from anywhere with minimal effort. In addition, the Internet has enabled faster communication between the government agencies. In the past, even though there were instant means, sharing visual data between intelligence agencies was a challenge. With the availability of the internet, all types of relevant information such as audio, images and videos can be shared in an encrypted manner without compromising security. To conclude, the Internet has paved the way for easier and effective communication between different parties such as individuals, companies, and governments. Although there is a slight possibility of abuse, there are many positives. Therefore, I agree that the Internet does aid people communicate with each other easily.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
major technological advancements in the last few decades came with the advent of the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that the Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
collaborate and communicate better compared to the past. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connect with each other
effortlessly
.

Firstly
, the Internet has made keeping in touch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones easier than ever. A few years ago, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way of communication with family and friends in other cities or countries would have been through telephones or letters which did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
without challenges like cost and time delay. With the availability of Internet based video calling facilities, it is not the case anymore.
For example
, applications like Skype and WhatsApp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, talk and share emotions being in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
Hence
, staying in touch has
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

Furthermore
, in the Internet era, finding out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and registering for them has become easier. In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in person for this.
However
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
website
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and information can
be obtained
from anywhere with minimal effort.

In addition
, the Internet has enabled faster communication between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agencies. In the past,
even though
there were instant means, sharing visual data between intelligence agencies was a challenge. With the availability of the internet, all types of relevant information such as audio, images and videos can
be shared
in an encrypted manner without compromising security.

To conclude
, the Internet has paved the way for easier and effective communication between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parties such as individuals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Although there is a slight possibility of abuse, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the Internet does aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each other
easily
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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