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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other kinds of aid could be provided?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. What other kinds of aid could be provided? 0gBB
With the wealth gap gradually widening, prosperous countries often make financial donations as aid to poorer ones. However, many argue that this approach is not necessarily the most effective for alleviating poverty. I concur with that, and I firmly believe that giving money is not the only way to help poor nations. To being with, the phenomenal failure of money donations is often attributed to poor management of that aid. Firstly, as a result of corruption, the money may not reach the people who most need it. In other words, there would be some people taking that money for personal use. In fact, it is quite common for international aid money to end up in the pockets of the political elite in such countries. Thus, overseas financial donations can actually lead to increased corruption instead of helping the poor people of those countries. Secondly, money is only capable of solving temporary problems, but longer-term ones like famine which last long are difficult to tackle by this kind of approach. So in the long run, financial donations are not as effective as other long-term investments. Instead of donating money, the rich countries can adopt different measures to help the poorer ones. First, they can provide advanced technology to poor countries to help them improve productivity. This can lead to economic growth and alleviate social problems such as poverty in a sustainable way. Second, developed countries can provide professional training to raise the skill levels of the workforce in poorer ones. To be clearer, if workers in poor countries have the necessary up-to-date knowledge and skills in their fields, they will remain competitive and productive. Therefore, investment in technology and training in poor countries would be a much better kind of aid. In conclusion, donating money is not the best way for the rich countries to help the poorer ones. It can lead to corruption and it is not as good as long-term investments in training and technology.
With the wealth gap
gradually
widening, prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
as aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that this approach is not
necessarily
the most effective for alleviating poverty. I concur with that, and I
firmly
believe that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations.

To
Did you mean "begin"?
being
with, the phenomenal failure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attributed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
management of that aid.
Firstly
,
as a result
of corruption, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may not reach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who most need it.
In other words
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In fact, it is quite common for international aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the pockets of the political elite in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Thus
, overseas financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
can actually lead to increased corruption
instead
of helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
capable of solving temporary problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
longer-term
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
like famine which last long are difficult to tackle by this kind of approach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in the long run, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
are not as effective as other long-term investments.

Instead
of donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
First
, they can provide advanced technology to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
productivity. This can lead to economic growth and alleviate social problems such as poverty
Consider replacing "in a sustainable way" with the adverb for "sustainable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a sustainable way
. Second, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide professional training to raise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
levels of the workforce in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. To be clearer, if workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the necessary up-to-date knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their fields, they will remain competitive and productive.
Therefore
, investment in technology and training in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be a much better kind of aid.

In conclusion
, donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the best way for the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. It can lead to corruption and it is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as long-term investments in training and technology.
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IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. What other kinds of aid could be provided?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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