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Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree?

Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree? GyWo
The modern medicine is very important for living a long life. It is depend on new technology. People take very easy and quickly. Also modern medicine is very quick absorbing to human body. It is helps to back to normal for people health condition. Therefore I agree that the modern medicine is helps to live longer. First of all, the modern medicine can prevent incurable diseases. Doctors can find some diseases very early. Then doctors can give suitable medicines to patients. New modern equipments are helps doctors is going to correct way. Also intelligent people in the world live a long life on helps from modern medicine. That is very important in the human society because their creative things are coming with them and they can help others for a longer time when they are living in long life with comfortably. Beside, old population is increasing in the country. It is badly effect in country’s economy and especially for third world countries. But old people are very important in human society because their experience definitely helps to living safely and planning to new project. ‘Experience is better than qualifications’ However, old people are living a long life; it is helping others to live a long life because we can get advice from them and they are covering our culture and society. Moreover, modern medicine is being addictive for some people, so that they cannot live without medicine. They should take medicine all their lives. Also modern medicine is very expensive. Therefore most of poor countries couldn? t take modern medicine and it has taken a commercial shape, also it is depending on money. In the modern medicine have not facts of human kindness. People who have money can take modern medicine. But indigenous medicine has well human friendly shape. It does not depend on money.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on new technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and
quickly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quick absorbing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to back to normal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health condition.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
incurable diseases. Doctors can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early. Then doctors can give suitable medicines to patients. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
equipments are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
doctors is going to correct way.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their creative things are coming with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others for a longer time when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
comfortably
.

Beside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
population is increasing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is
badly
effect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy and
especially
for third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their experience definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
safely
and planning to new project. ‘Experience is better than qualifications’
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
; it is helping others to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are covering our culture and society.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is being addictive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. They should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
most of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
The abbreviation is not correct. Did you mean "couldn't" (straight quote) or "couldn’t" (curly quote)?
couldn
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
t
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and it has taken a commercial shape,
also
it
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
on money. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
have not facts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
kindness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have money can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
friendly shape. It does not depend on money.
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IELTS essay Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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