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Violence in the media promotoes violence in society. Agree or disagree?

Violence in the media promotoes violence in society. Agree or disagree? B6Wd
Broadcasting violent content over the media leads to promotion of violence among people. This essay totally agrees with this statement because brutal videos have a negative impact on the young minds and terror outfits use social media to promote hatred among people. On the one hand, students on an average spend daily 5-8 hours in social media or TV series. Most of the films spread violence which, a brutal murder, communal riots and rape. As a result, teenagers are exposed to crime and brutality at a young ages and start believing that it it alright this violence. Furthermore, thriller movies bad effect on the young`s psychology and after some years, these people transform one murder. For instance, a sixth class student studying in a very reputed school in Mumbai murdered his junior because the later did not give him the seat in school bus. On the other hand, many terrorist groups utilize the social media and they share some violence videos which, in these videos civil people getting slaughtered in the name of religion or they share own religious ideas thus, they attract young people own groups. For example, one of the most dreaded terror outfits, ISIS, targets people from Muslim community and instills ill will in their minds for other religions and motivates them to get indulged in violent activities. İn conclusion, media exposes children to barbarity at a very tender ages, helps in spreading communal violence and and the lives of many young people are ruined
Broadcasting violent content over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
leads to promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
brutal videos have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds and terror outfits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to promote hatred among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, students on an average spend daily 5-8 hours in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or TV series. Most of the films spread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
which, a brutal murder, communal riots and rape.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are exposed
to crime and brutality at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing that
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
alright this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Furthermore
, thriller movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on the
The character between 'young' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "young’s" (curly apostrophe) or "young's" (straight apostrophe).
young`s
psychology and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
transform one murder.
For instance
, a sixth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
student studying in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reputed school in Mumbai murdered his junior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
did not give him the seat in school bus.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrorist groups utilize the social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
videos which, in these videos civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting slaughtered in the name of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
religion or
they share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
thus
, they attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
groups.
For example
, one of the most dreaded terror outfits, ISIS, targets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Muslim community and instills ill will in their minds for other religions and motivates them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in violent activities.

Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
conclusion,
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media
exposes children to barbarity at a v
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ery
tender ages, h
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
elps
in spreading communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
the l
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ives
of m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
are ruined
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IELTS essay Violence in the media promotoes violence in society. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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