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Rich countries are getting richer while poor countries are getting poorer. What is the cause of this? What could be done to solve this problem? v.2

Rich countries are getting richer while poor countries are getting poorer. What is the cause of this? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 2
It is true that wealthy nations are becoming even more prosperous, meanwhile the income of less fortunate countries is decreasing. In this essay, I consider the causes of this trend and what can be done by the governments of the poorest countries in order to improve the economic situation in their countries. The main reason of global wealth inequality is corruption in the most disadvantaged nations, which is a direct impact on the level of citizen’s lives. Corrupted authorities as a rule make decisions based on their own benefits rather than taking well-balanced and thoughtful resolutions in favour of a country. For instance, it is known that many rules in Africa own enormous finances, while population lives below the line of poverty without dissent health care system and education. In addition, the richest societies invest money in high technologies and science. The great example of it is so called “Asian tigers” – Asian countries, which had invested a great deal of money into technologies such as electronics and robotics. Consequently, their economies were growing rapidly and they had shown a great result. However, some measures can be taken to improve the economic situation in other parts of the world as well. First, the laws against venal practices should be reinforced and implied, it would help to allocate finances received in taxes to the important social and economical issues, solving of those will bring more wealth for a society in a long term. In addition, the government needs to implement policies that would help them accumulate the capabilities needed to manufacture and export more sophisticated products. For instance, it could specialize in producing such products as sun-butteries or other electronics and create a significant outcome from it. In conclusion, there are certain circumstances that are lying behind the tendency of rich countries to gain more wealth, while poor nations loose it. One of the ways to tackle the issue for less advantaged is stricter laws against corruption and focus on technologies rather that receiving benefits from importing of raw materials such as oil, gas or metals.
It is true that wealthy nations are becoming even more prosperous, meanwhile the income of less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is decreasing. In this essay, I consider the causes of this trend and what can
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of the poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic situation in their countries.

The main reason of global wealth inequality is corruption in the most disadvantaged nations, which is a direct impact on the level of citizen’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Corrupted authorities as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits
rather
than taking well-balanced and thoughtful resolutions in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, it
is known
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in Africa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enormous finances, while population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
below the line of poverty without dissent health care system and education.
In addition
, the richest societies invest money in high technologies and science. The great example of it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called “Asian tigers”
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which had invested a great deal of money into technologies such as electronics and robotics.
Consequently
, their economies were growing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rapidly and
they had shown a great result.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic situation in other parts of the world
as well
.
First
, the laws against venal practices should
be reinforced
and implied, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to allocate finances received in taxes to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
issues, solving of those will bring more wealth for a society in a long term.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to implement policies that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them accumulate the capabilities needed to manufacture and export more sophisticated products.
For instance
, it could specialize in producing such products as sun-butteries or other electronics and create a significant outcome from it.

In conclusion
, there are certain circumstances that are lying behind the tendency of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to gain more wealth, while poor nations loose it. One of the ways to tackle the issue for less advantaged is stricter laws against corruption and focus on technologies
rather
that receiving benefits from importing of raw materials such as oil, gas or metals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries are getting richer while poor countries are getting poorer. What is the cause of this? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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