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responsibilities of schools, and parents

responsibilities of schools, and parents VwXm7
Proper raising is an essential part of life to build a well-respected community. Many people opine that parents are responsible of teaching their children how to be good society members, however others believe that they must be taught in school. Parents has a vital role in raising their children. Kids will only trust their parents for teaching them proper behaving, on the same side kids most often go out with their parents, thus more the incidence of misbehaving is highly seen by parents. On many occasions, children would only obey their parents thus in this case schools won't have any effect on their way of behaving, Moreover, parents has the right to slap their kids, when doing something wrong, or misbehaving, on the contrary a teacher would be fired if she took the same action. On the other side, many people believe that schools has many effects on raising a child. In consensus, children spend more hours at schools than at homes thus with no doubts, they will be affected by the general atmosphere, thus schools are responsible of achieving a good environment for a good child development. Moreover certain regulations must be added to each school, where punishments must be made in case undermining a certain rule. A child is highly affected by both parents, and schools. In my opinion, and due to the aforementioned reasons parents play a huge role in the development of a child, thus raising a child is mostly one of the parents responsibilities.
Proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
is an essential part of life to build a well-respected community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
society members,
however
others believe that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
in school.

Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "parent has".
Parents has
a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
trust their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for teaching them proper behaving, on the same side kids most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go out with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
more the incidence of misbehaving is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
won't have any effect on their way of behaving,
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has the right to slap their kids, when doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, or misbehaving,
on the contrary
a teacher would
be fired
if she took the same action.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. In consensus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
than at homes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
with no doubts, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the general atmosphere,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
achieving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
certain regulations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, where punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
in case undermining a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my opinion, and due to the aforementioned reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a huge role in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
mostly
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
responsibilities.
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IELTS essay responsibilities of schools, and parents

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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