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Researches have shown that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experience we may have in air life .what do you consider to be the major influence?

Researches have shown that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experience we may have in air life. what do you consider to be the major influence? rgxJ
It is an undeniable fact that some people are god gifted and possess skills which sometime become hard for us to acquire. Even experts have proven that traits which we inherit from our ancestors are more powerful in developing our personality however, I believe that experience is more powerful in moulding us at different phases of life than the traits which we get from our ancestors. in this essay, I will discuss the major impact experience put on our outlook. There are manifold reasons to support my viewpoint. first and foremost, with experience we learn varied aspects of life as a result we get to know how to survive in this complicated world. For instance, when a students go to abroad, they encountered with different situations and have many sweet and bitter experiences, which teach them a lot of life lessons. They learn how to communicate and adjust with people of diverse culture and tradition in other nation. Secondly, when we go through any hardship of life then we know about our strengths and weeknesses and become good decision maker. To examplify, a 23 years old blind boy who was rejected for enrollment by IIT and even many times from other institutes, then he took wise decision and with his intellectual skills he opened his own big firm and become CEO of 25crore firm. Finally, experience also make us perfect in particular field which sometime seems to us impossible. To cite an example, when we work as a naïve in any sector that time we make lot of mistakes but later on with practical work we become more efficient and perform task frequently which we find very hard in our initial days at workplace. After analyzing aforesaid viewpoints, it has been proven experience plays vital role in our lifetime. we become more mature and more understandable with practical things only
It is an undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are god gifted and possess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for us to acquire. Even experts have proven that traits which we inherit from our ancestors are more powerful in developing our personality
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more powerful in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
us at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than the traits which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from our ancestors.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this essay, I will discuss the major impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
put on our outlook.

There are manifold reasons to support my viewpoint.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
and foremost, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
we learn varied aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a result
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know how to survive in this complicated world.
For instance
, when
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a student" or simply "students"?
a students
There isn't usually a preposition before "abroad". Did you mean "go abroad"?
go to abroad
, they encountered with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sweet and bitter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, which teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons. They learn how to communicate and adjust with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of diverse culture and tradition in other nation.

Secondly
, when we go through any hardship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then we know about our strengths and
Possible spelling mistake found.
weeknesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision maker. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, a 23 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
blind boy who
was rejected
for enrollment by IIT and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times from other institutes, then he took wise decision and with his intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
he opened his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
firm and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
CEO of 25crore firm.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us perfect
in particular
field which sometime seems to us impossible. To cite an example, when we work as a naïve in any sector that time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later on with practical work we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more efficient and perform task
frequently
which we find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in our initial days at workplace.

After analyzing aforesaid viewpoints, it has
been proven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
plays vital role in our lifetime.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more mature and more understandable with practical things
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
only
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IELTS essay Researches have shown that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experience we may have in air life. what do you consider to be the major influence?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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