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Research shows that people now a days sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individual and society?

Research shows that people now a days sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individual and society? LqGrR
In this modern era, most of the people give less preference to their sleep when compared to the people of early days. The reasons for this kind of problem is, the recent survey conduct by private organisation gives an information that most of middle age persons spending their time scrolling the social media pages in the night hours. Now coming to the youth, in the night they usuallygo for outtings with their friends and spend the whole night by doing parties. Apart from this we will have the positive side of people who are awake on the night time is the, major of the people who lives in cities will do the night shift work in their offices. For example in the IT field people have to do the day and night shifts. All these are reasons for people are spending their less time in sleep. Now, we will discuss the negative effects on people's life and on society. Firstly, by having less sleep will have the direct impact on the health. Because the one who give poor time for their sleep may suffer from the stress, headaches and many more problems. Moreover, mainly on the youngsters will may get effected that they won't be active whole day and can't able to interest concentrate on studies and won't show much interest in their daily routine things. If individuals and youngsters will suffer from these kind of problems then its impact will have on the society. Because today's youth is the tomorrows future for our country. To concluded, now a days people not giving preference to their sleep and suffering from many illness. which had the impact on individual as well as on society.
In this modern era, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give less preference to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of early days. The reasons for this kind of problem is, the recent survey conduct by private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
gives an information that
Consider using "most middle" or "most of the middle".
most of middle
age persons spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
scrolling the social media pages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
hours.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
coming to the youth, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
usuallygo
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
outtings
with their friends and spend the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
by doing parties. Apart from this we will have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are awake on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
major of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in cities will do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shift work in their offices.
For example
in the IT field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shifts. All these are reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending their less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in sleep.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life and on society.
Firstly
, by having less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
will have the direct impact on the health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the one who give poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
may suffer from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, headaches and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more problems.
Moreover
,
mainly
on the youngsters
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, may", "will" or "may"?
will may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effected that they won't be active whole day and can't able to interest concentrate on studies and won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much interest in their daily routine things. If individuals and youngsters
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will suffer
from
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of problems then its impact will have on the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth is the tomorrows future for our country.

To concluded,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not giving preference to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and suffering from
Possible agreement error. The noun illness seems to be countable; consider using: "many illnesses".
many illness
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
had the impact on individual
as well
as on society.
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IELTS essay Research shows that people now a days sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individual and society?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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