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removing ocean cretures to aquariums

removing ocean cretures to aquariums ABV53
In many countries, there are large aquariam which showcase exotic marine life for recreational purposes. Some of them are even large enough to accommodate giant animals such as, whales, sharks and so on. People feel excited to have a glimpse of rare aquatic species; however, those animals will feel uncomfortable and are unable to survive in an artificial environment. As per my observation, demerits of this vogue certainly surpass the merits which shall be elaborated in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, aquariums and dolphin parks attract myriad of tourists and fulfil their desire to have a glance at wide variety of oceanic animals. Furthermore, these sites play a significant role in tourism industry and will be fruitful for country’s economy. As we know, all of mentioned trump card above will profit ocean animals nothing, though, it have bunch of advantages for humans. On the other hand, relocating ocean habitant to artificial environment make them uncomfortable. They are treated as prisoners and kept in the captive. For instance, studies reveal that sharks in captivity lost their aggressive nature of hunting as they have been feed by the caretakers. in addition to that, It may also tremendously proliferate danger of extinction of rare species. Owing to the fact that, they are not able to indulge in synthetic environment. To recapitulate, despite the fact that there are pros and cons to removing sea creatures from their natural dwelling. The drawbacks outweigh the merits since it has inevitable effects on their both physical and mental health, as well as, the destructive impacts on rare ocean’s species.
In
many
countries, there are large
aquariam
which showcase exotic marine life for recreational purposes.
Some
of them are even large
enough
to accommodate giant
animals
such as, whales, sharks and
so
on.
People
feel excited to have a glimpse of rare aquatic species;
however
, those
animals
will feel uncomfortable and are unable to survive in an artificial environment. As per my observation, demerits of this vogue
certainly
surpass the merits which shall
be elaborated
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, aquariums and dolphin parks attract myriad of tourists and fulfil their desire to have a glance at wide variety of oceanic
animals
.
Furthermore
, these sites play a significant role in tourism industry and will be fruitful for country’s economy. As we know, all of mentioned trump card above will profit ocean
animals
nothing, though, it
have
bunch of
advantages for humans.

On the other hand
, relocating ocean habitant to artificial environment
make
them uncomfortable. They
are treated
as prisoners and
kept
in the captive.
For instance
, studies reveal that sharks in captivity lost their aggressive nature of hunting as they have
been feed
by the caretakers.
in
addition to that, It may
also
tremendously
proliferate
danger
of extinction of rare species. Owing to the fact that, they are not able to indulge in synthetic environment.

To recapitulate, despite the fact that there are pros and cons to removing sea creatures from their natural dwelling. The drawbacks outweigh the merits since it has inevitable effects on their both physical and mental health,
as well
as, the destructive impacts on rare ocean’s species.
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IELTS essay removing ocean cretures to aquariums

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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