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Recently a large number of refugees have flooded into Europe escaping from war in their home countries .Some people say that these refugees must not be allowed into Europe's developed countries . Others, however ,say that European countries must welcome them with open arms. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Recently a large number of refugees have flooded into Europe escaping from war in their home countries. Some people say that these refugees must not be allowed into Europe's developed countries. Others, however, say that European countries must welcome them with open arms. a7dD9
Due to humanitarian crisis, Europe has seen a large number of refugees entering its border illegally. It has become an issue of debate among people as some say that such immigrants should be allowed to cross the border while others argue that they must not be given permission to take refuge in Europe's developed countries. Both views will be explicated in this essay along with my view point before reaching to an appropriate conclusion. The proponents of the first view emphasize on strict border policies. They justify themselves by giving a reason that it will lead to foreseen consequences like employment crisis, lack of food and environmental damages which refuge seeking people will bring with them. Additionally, When immigrants will start working at lower wages, the companies will prefer them. Owing to this, permanent jobs will get replaced by precarious jobs which will arouse job insecurity among the natives. Scarcity of food will be another problem stemming out of this immigration flow. Apart from this, the increase in population will require more land for living and agriculture which will be obtained from areas under forest. Due to this, ecosystem will also have to suffer. On the contrary, the opponents of this view argue that for the sake of humanity and economic growth of the country, Europeans must welcome the refugees. The people who flee from their home countries to escape war and poverty are already suffering. So, for the welfare of such people, countries must come forward to offer help by letting them work to earn their livelihood and begin a new life by resettling in their countries. When refugees will work they will pay taxes to the government. As a result, the countries will become economically stronger as well as Gross Domestic Product will rise as the incline in the number of workers in factories will eventually lead to increase in production. To conclude in my perspective, the immigrants must be allowed to take refuge in developed countries by offering them some relaxations in the immigration policies and they must be given access to work for some time until their home countries regain livable conditions. However, the right to work must not be seized from natives of Europe to avoid any kind of conflicts among them and refugees.
Due to humanitarian crisis, Europe has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
entering its border
illegally
. It has become an issue of debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that such immigrants should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to cross the border while others argue that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
permission to take refuge in Europe's developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
will
be explicated
in this essay along with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to an appropriate conclusion.

The proponents of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
emphasize on strict border policies. They justify themselves by giving a reason that it will lead to foreseen
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
employment crisis, lack of food and environmental damages which refuge seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will bring with them.
Additionally
, When immigrants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working at lower wages, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will prefer them. Owing to this, permanent jobs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
replaced by precarious jobs which will arouse job insecurity among the natives. Scarcity of food will be another problem stemming out of this immigration flow. Apart from this, the increase in population will require more land for living and agriculture which will
be obtained
from areas under forest. Due to this, ecosystem will
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer.

On the contrary
, the opponents of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
argue that for the sake of humanity and economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Europeans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
welcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who flee from their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to escape war and poverty are already suffering.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for the welfare of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by letting them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn their livelihood and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a new life by resettling in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they will pay taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will become
economically
stronger
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as Gross Domestic Product will rise as the incline in the number of workers in factories will
eventually
lead to increase in production.

To conclude
in my perspective, the immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take refuge in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by offering them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxations in the immigration
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
policies and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time until their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
regain livable conditions.
However
, the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be seized
from natives of Europe to avoid any kind of conflicts among them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
.
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IELTS essay Recently a large number of refugees have flooded into Europe escaping from war in their home countries. Some people say that these refugees must not be allowed into Europe's developed countries. Others, however, say that European countries must welcome them with open arms.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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