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Recent studies have shown that overweight people trend to eat junk food that are high in unhealthy fats. Some people argue that an increase in price of such foods will serve as a deterrent and thus reduce the number of overweight people. Do you agree and disagree?

Recent studies have shown that overweight people trend to eat junk food that are high in unhealthy fats. Some people argue that an increase in price of such foods will serve as a deterrent and thus reduce the number of overweight people. Do you agree and disagree? Lr3on
In this modern and cut throat competitive world, people have altered themselves to work, round the clock. This new life style has given rise to a number of health problems and amongst these obesity is considered to be the most fatal one. This is thought to be increasing due to consumption of fast food. So to hold the fist in this problem, rise in price is suggested. But I think, this is not the pragmatic solution due to a lot of reasons. Firstly, the people who are habitual of eating fast food will not change their taste because old habits die hard. A person who has accustomed himself to a particular eating habit will not be able to resist himself as his body will demand these. Moreover, daily intakers will not care about the price because their taste and satisfaction matter a lot. This can be easily justified by taking an example of fuel price in India. Today, a liter of petrol costs about Rs 90 but this deep hole in pockets is not bothering people as driving their own private vehicle has become their life style and is considered no more a luxury but a need. Further, it is scientifically proven that obesity is not because of fast food but can be caused by the genetic problems. As it is often observed that a kid of obese parents often overweighs. Finally, these junk foods restaurants are supporting millions of families because this industry has given work to myriad waiters, chefs and managers. Expensive food stuff will bring darker era in this industry and will make many jobless. At the tip of iceberg, increase in price of any commodity of a man is not the right solution. Increased rates of junk food will not stop people from purchasing these but can create a rage in them against government as for them, it may be a restriction on their freedom right. Authorities need to promote healthy lifestyle in order to make people fit and fine.
In this modern and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
cut throat
competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have altered themselves to work, round the clock. This new life style has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to a number of health problems and amongst
Did you mean "this obesity" or "these obesities"?
these obesity
is considered
to be the most fatal one. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be increasing due to consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to hold the fist in this problem, rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is suggested
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, this is not the pragmatic solution due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are habitual of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their taste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. A person who has accustomed himself to a particular eating habit will not be able to resist himself as his body will demand these.
Moreover
, daily
Possible spelling mistake found.
intakers
will not care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their taste and satisfaction matter a lot. This can be
easily
justified by taking an example of fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
in India.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a liter of petrol costs about Rs 90
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this deep hole in pockets is not bothering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as driving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private vehicle has become their life style and
is considered
no more a luxury
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a need.

Further
, it is
scientifically
proven that obesity is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
be caused
by the genetic problems.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that a kid of obese parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighs
.
Finally
, these junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
restaurants are supporting millions of families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
work to myriad waiters, chefs and managers. Expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stuff will bring darker era in this industry and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless.

At the tip of iceberg, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of any commodity of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is not the right solution. Increased rates of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from purchasing these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can create a rage in them against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as for them, it may be a restriction on their freedom right. Authorities need to promote healthy lifestyle in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit and fine.
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IELTS essay Recent studies have shown that overweight people trend to eat junk food that are high in unhealthy fats. Some people argue that an increase in price of such foods will serve as a deterrent and thus reduce the number of overweight people. Do you agree and disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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