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Recent figure show that crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities throughout the world. What are some possible reasons and how to solve this problem?

Recent figure show that crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities throughout the world. What are some possible reasons and how to solve this problem? Vmg6
Recent research has shown that juvenile delinquency is becoming increasingly popular, especially in big cities. This essay will show some primary reasons for this tendency as well as some potential solutions to reduce crime rate in the youth. It is obvious that there are several causes of the rising number of young criminals. First and foremost, the main reason could be the lack of parents' attention as adults are more and more busy doing business. This means that parents spend very little time on taking care of their children. For instance, they do not know what their children do and who they play with. Thus, young people would easily go off the ray and be out of control, which are signs of potential lawbreakers. In addition, mass media, which has been all the range thanks to technological developments, has taken a toll on children's growth due to their violent movies. These products not only influence children's behavior but also show them how to commit a crime thoroughly. A good example of this is some horror movies, which are filled with brutal and bloody senses. Therefore excessive media coverage without content limitation can breed future offenders. On the other hand, some feasible solutions can be done by both family and the government to reduce young crime. First of all, it is important for parents to make time for their children. By spending time together, parents can easily grasp all of the psychological and behavioral changes of teenagers and then take some needed actions to form children’s personalities in a positive way. Secondly, there is a need for the government to launch educational programs as a way to prevent the youth from committing crimes because it is proved that those who are given moral education as children are more likely not to break the laws. In conclusion, the roots of the rising young wrongdoers are some external factors and lack of parent control. However, I believe that this dilemma can be solved smoothly with the combination of family and the authority.
Recent research has shown that juvenile delinquency is becoming
increasingly
popular,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
primary reasons for this tendency
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the youth.

It is obvious that there are several causes of the rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
criminals.
First
and foremost, the main reason could be the lack of parents' attention as adults are more and more busy doing business. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time on taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, they do not know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do and who they play with.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
easily
go off the ray and be out of control, which are signs of potential lawbreakers.
In addition
, mass media, which has been all the range thanks to technological developments, has taken a toll on children's growth due to their violent movies. These products not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influence children's behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them how to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
thoroughly
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
horror movies, which
are filled
with brutal and bloody senses.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
excessive media coverage without content limitation can breed future offenders.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions can
be done
by both family and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By spending time together,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
easily
grasp
Consider using "all the".
all of the
psychological and behavioral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and then take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
needed actions to form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personalities in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
Secondly
, there is a need for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to launch educational programs as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the youth from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is proved
that those who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
moral education as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely not to break the laws.

In conclusion
, the roots of the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
wrongdoers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
external factors and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
control.
However
, I believe that this dilemma can
be solved
smoothly
with the combination of family and the authority.
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IELTS essay Recent figure show that crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities throughout the world. What are some possible reasons and how to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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