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recent changes in the law in the uk mean that adverts for food products high in fat salt and sugar will no longer be shown alongside programmes popular with those aged under 16, even if the the programme itself is aimed at adults

recent changes in the law in the uk mean that adverts for food products high in fat salt and sugar will no longer be shown alongside programmes popular with those aged under 16, even if the the programme itself is aimed at adults OVVgG
In the recent years there has been a change in the law in the UK, aimed falling a number of adverts under 16 for food products high in fat, salt and sugar, which children watch with popular programs. While some people see this as a good idea, others consider that government has gone too far. On the one hand, there are an excellent ideas of introduction new laws of adverts for food products, which adolescents can watch with popular programs. Firstly, it is considered that the most adolescents change their mind about nutrition. Actually, data shows children are spending many hours each week watching television and an increasing amount of time online, which can change their minds about nutrition. Secondly, advertisement can affect what and when children eat. Therefore, their parents will not worry about the future of their children. On the another hand the introduction the law is not the only side solving the problem of advertisements. In order to prepare to their children healthy food, sometimes parents put their energy mainly on other aspects, work or interest, rather than what to have for meals. For example, when parents come back from job, they do not prefer to cook foods. Therefore, they go to with children to the restaurants or buy fast-foods. Second, if parents follow proper nutrition, they will face the biggest health problems. Therefore, parents ought to follow proper nutrition. In conclusion, introduction new law of reducing advertisement of food products high in fat, salt and sugar is the best way to solve problem each adolescent, also parents should follow to this law.
In the recent years there has been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
in the UK, aimed falling a number of adverts under 16 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, salt and sugar, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
with popular programs. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, others consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has gone too far.

On the one hand, there are an excellent
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "idea"?
ideas
of introduction new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
of adverts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products, which adolescents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
with popular programs.
Firstly
, it
is considered
that the most adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind about nutrition. Actually, data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours each week watching television and an increasing amount of time online, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds about nutrition.
Secondly
, advertisement can affect what and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat.
Therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not worry about the future of their children.

On the another hand the introduction the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
side solving the problem of advertisements. In order to prepare to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put their energy
mainly
on other aspects, work or interest,
rather
than what to have for meals.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back from job, they do not prefer to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Therefore
, they go to with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the restaurants or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-foods. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
follow proper nutrition, they will face the biggest health problems.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to follow proper nutrition.

In conclusion
, introduction new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
of reducing
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, salt and sugar is the best way to solve problem each adolescent,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should follow to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
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IELTS essay recent changes in the law in the uk mean that adverts for food products high in fat salt and sugar will no longer be shown alongside programmes popular with those aged under 16, even if the the programme itself is aimed at adults

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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