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"Recent advancement in communication technology is connecting people around the world. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for the connected people."

"Recent advancement in communication technology is connecting people around the world. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for the connected people. " Vglm
In this contemporary epoch, it is an irrefutable fact that advancement in communication plays an integral and indispensable role in an individual life. Nowadays, everybody feels more connected to each other since the technology of communication is connecting individuals globally. As globalization has an abundance of merits, along with certain demerits, so masses should supervise it carefully. As these points necessitate discerning elaboration, let us examine them in detail in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, let us ponder over the multifarious leverages of globalization. First and foremost, global connectivity helps people because it helps to extend the business internationally. To elucidate, if people make more connections, they will be able to sell or buy more products globally and the economy of their country will incline. Consequently, when representatives of different countries connect to each other, they understand the cycle of demand and supply, and it helps them to expand their business. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the National Sample Survey Office in the United States in 2018 on a group of 5000 people, ranging between 25 to 35 years of age group revealed that 80% of countries achieved their business growth and income of everyone because of globalization. Additionally, many countries focus on global relations so that they can get the benefit of international amenities. To substantiate, when countries connect with United Nations, they get all facilities of healthcare, banking, and education. Besides, global relations not only provide facilities in common areas but also in defense and securities as well and it helps them for training programs in defense sector. To exemplify, research conducted by the University of British Columbia in Canada in 2018 on a group of 2100 adults, ranging between 35 to 45 years of age group including three different professions including doctors, engineers, and doctors revealed that they got more benefits when their country connected with other nations. On the contrary, even though globalization is advantageous in various aspects, there are a plethora of drawbacks as well and these can not be ignored. Firstly, when people migrate from different countries, they carry unwanted viruses and other contagious ailments. In other words, if a person travels different countries, there is strong chance that he can be in touch of other infected person and it can lead to further infection. To elaborate, it can exacerbate the contagious diseases because people can communicate with others who belong to affected regions. For instance, according to a newspaper article in Washington Post in April 2012 on globalization by the editor Benjamin Bradlee stated that international connections of people spread contagious maladies in their countries and local culture destroyed slowly. In conclusion, globalization can be more beneficial if individuals focus on the valuable benefits it. However, misuse of international connections can result in a myriad of inauspicious ramifications. Also, although globalization has peculiar perks, it has some darker sides. Unless an accurate balance does not set up between pros and cons, certain intricacies may occur. Hence, as the connected people have both weaknesses and strengths, one must sagaciously choose it.
In this contemporary epoch, it is an irrefutable fact that advancement in communication plays an integral and indispensable role in an individual life. Nowadays, everybody feels more connected to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
since the technology of communication is connecting individuals globally. As globalization has an abundance of merits, along with certain demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
masses should supervise it
carefully
. As these points necessitate discerning elaboration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us examine them in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us ponder over the multifarious leverages of globalization.
First
and foremost, global connectivity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to extend the business
internationally
. To elucidate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more connections, they will be able to sell or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more products globally and the economy of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will incline.
Consequently
, when representatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
connect to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they understand the cycle of demand and supply, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to expand their business. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the National Sample Survey Office in the United States in 2018 on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, ranging
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 25 and 35".
between 25 to 35
years of age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
revealed that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
achieved their business growth and income of everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of globalization.

Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
focus on global relations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefit of international amenities. To substantiate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
connect with United Nations, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all facilities of healthcare, banking, and education.
Besides
, global relations not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide facilities in common areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in defense and securities
as well
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them for training programs in defense sector. To exemplify, research conducted by the University of British Columbia in Canada in 2018 on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 2100 adults, ranging
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 45".
between 35 to 45
years of age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
including three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
professions including doctors, engineers, and doctors revealed that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more benefits when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

On the contrary
,
even though
globalization is advantageous in various aspects, there are a plethora of drawbacks
as well
and these can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they carry unwanted viruses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
contagious ailments. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if a person travels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there is strong chance that he can be in touch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
infected person and it can lead to
further
infection. To elaborate, it can exacerbate the contagious diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with others who belong to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
regions.
For instance
, according to a newspaper article in Washington Post in April 2012 on globalization by the editor Benjamin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bradlee
stated that international connections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spread contagious maladies in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and local culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
slowly
.

In conclusion
, globalization can be more beneficial if individuals focus on the valuable benefits it.
However
, misuse of international connections can result in a myriad of inauspicious ramifications.
Also
, although globalization has peculiar perks, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
darker sides. Unless an accurate balance does not set up between pros and cons, certain intricacies may occur.
Hence
, as the connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have both weaknesses and strengths, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sagaciously
choose it.

IELTS essay "Recent advancement in communication technology is connecting people around the world. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for the connected people. "

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
509 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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