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what do you think about unetical & unacceptable advertisement?

what do you think about unetical & unacceptable advertisement? 0O6O
Advertisement Technology has been evolving especially in the digital era. It has changed our spending behaviors, especially with our personal data online. As we may notice, this can be extremely unethical especially how the data manipulating our buying psychology. Most of us like shopping and we believe that it is cheaper to buy online. However, in many situations, we purchase more than what we need. Especially, after we see the fancy advertisement about the product features. For instance, we may buy several phone casing in order to enjoy a discount. Secondly, advertisement methology is based on artificial intelligence which use our personal data to predict the buying behavior. The companies always track your online behavior which they can use the information to target you with the customized advertisement. With this, we constantly addicted to shopping online and eventually spend more than what we need. Lastly, advertisement can be sometimes misleading. The companies may overly promote some of the products and services with exaggerated features. For example, credit card advertisements that paint the image of luxury lifestyle if you own it. In conclusion, advertisement is important especially in the digital economy. However, we need to set better and broader advertisement policy to avoid unethical or unacceptable advertisement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
Technology has been evolving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
in the digital era. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our spending behaviors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
with our personal data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. As we may notice, this can be
extremely
unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
how the data manipulating our buying psychology.

Most of us like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
we believe that it is cheaper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more than what we need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Especially
, after we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about the product features.
For instance
, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
several phone casing in order to enjoy a discount.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
Possible spelling mistake found.
methology
is based
on artificial intelligence which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our personal data to predict the buying behavior. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
behavior which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the information to target you with the customized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. With this, we
constantly
addicted to shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
eventually
spend more than what we need.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
misleading. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may
overly
promote
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
products and services with exaggerated features.
For example
, credit card
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that paint the image of luxury lifestyle if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
it.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
in the digital economy.
However
, we need to set better and broader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
policy to avoid unethical or unacceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.

IELTS essay what do you think about unetical & unacceptable advertisement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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