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Reasons for economically successful nations with long working hour

Reasons for economically successful nations with long working hour j8ENN
Undoubtedly, in this contemporary era earning money is not easy because companies require qualified employees. However, some nations are economically successful with long working hour. Why I partially agree with the above statement would be discussed in ensuing paragraphs with relevant information. To begin with, there are few reasons that how some countries which are going strong economically, first reason is the literacy rate as every individual is well educated and everyone is working in different working sectors. Moreover, it ultimately leads to reduce the unemployment in the society and the people are able to earn their income to fulfill their basic needs if they have bread and butter than health issues will be less, government will need not spend money on it. Surprisingly, economic growth will increase and the country would be successful. On the other side, there are some concerns that some kingdoms are not successful one aspect of it is low level of education. For instance, if a country is in a lot of debt, it cannot afford good schools. As people are poorly qualified then they are less likely to understand about desertification. In addition, physical and environmental factors are the others reason I underdeveloped countries as some areas have difficult landscape to survive in hot climate. To conclude, to have a wealthy and healthy nation it is duty of government to invest money on educational as well as medical field for improvement.
Undoubtedly
, in this contemporary era earning money is not easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require qualified employees.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations are
economically
successful with long working hour. Why I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement would
be discussed
in ensuing paragraphs with relevant information.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are few reasons that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are going strong
economically
,
first
reason is the literacy rate as every individual is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and everyone is working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
working sectors.
Moreover
, it
ultimately
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment in the society and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to earn their income to fulfill their basic needs if they have bread and butter than health issues will be less,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will need not spend money on it.
Surprisingly
, economic growth will increase and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would be successful.

On the other side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kingdoms are not successful one aspect of it is low level of education.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debt, it cannot afford
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schools. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
poorly
qualified then they are less likely to understand about desertification.
In addition
, physical and environmental factors are the others reason I underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas have difficult landscape to survive in hot climate.

To conclude
, to have a wealthy and healthy nation it is duty of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest money on educational
as well
as medical field for improvement.
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IELTS essay Reasons for economically successful nations with long working hour

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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