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Reason for another country for education. What makes you want to go to the Western countries more than Asian countries.

Reason for another country for education. What makes you want to go to the Western countries more than Asian countries. aqY5m
As the increase of the population of the country, the job market of the country does not boom as much as the increase of the county, which required more qualifications to obtain a good job. As the reason of this, that students are tempted to pursue higher education after the Advanced Level examination. There are only few students who could be entered to the local universities. So, most of the rest, are trying to migrate another county to get higher education. And the other hand most students need to qualify with highly recommended and high demanded universities and colleges which are in other counties. Therefore, many of them prefer to migrate to western countries rather than Asian countries as there are only a few recommended countries for study in Asia such as India, China, and Japan. If they would migrate Asian counties, they have to face the barrier of their language and they have to study their language for at least one year. It is really a waste of time. After completing their education and in academic pursuits, students can get more career opportunities in Western countries than in Asian countries. They can gain experience in international job opportunities also. Instead of that, they have the ability to do part-time jobs while they are doing their studies and that helps them to live without being a burden to their parents. So, if money is saved, can be sent to their parents also. Instead of these reasons, they can have a new social environment, new foods, new friends, new customs as well as new traditions also if they migrate to other countries. It costs a lot of money to go and study in another country, but students can quickly become a qualified person in western county rather than studying in Asian country.
As the increase of the population of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does not boom as much as the increase of the county, which required more qualifications to obtain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. As the reason of this, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are tempted
to pursue higher education after the Advanced Level examination. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who could
be entered
to the local universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, most of the rest, are trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
another county to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher education.

And the other hand most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to qualify with
highly
recommended and high demanded universities and colleges which are in other counties.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
to western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rather
than Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in Asia such as India, China, and Japan. If they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
Asian counties, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the barrier of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their language for at least one year. It is
really
a waste of time.

After completing their education and in academic pursuits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more career opportunities in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than in Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They can gain experience in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities
also
.
Instead
of that, they have the ability to do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without being a burden to their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if money
is saved
, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to their parents
also
.

Instead
of these reasons, they can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
social environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
foods,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
customs
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
traditions
also
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to go and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
quickly
become a qualified person in western county
rather
than studying in Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Reason for another country for education. What makes you want to go to the Western countries more than Asian countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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