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re having more opportunities. do you think it is a positive developmet?

re having more opportunities. do you think it is a positive developmet? WgDGW
Today, we can see that women are granted more chances than ever. I believe that in educational terms it is quite advantageous while the adverse effects of this phenomenon can be seen with the employment opportunities. To begin with, as is commonly thought, the promotion of the female gender in the job market helps to sustain financial stability in families. Moreover, the fact that there is no gender discrimination in landing a job has made more women high likely to help their families become financially stable, providing better nutrition, education and medicine. Nevertheless, serious issues with respect to children’s upbringing arise, as a result. To be more lucid, an adolescence growing up in a dual-income family is, most of the time, short of maternal guidance. This, as a consequence, brings about pejorative pattern of behavior as well as a severe impact on the bonds between parents and children in the long term. Opportunities to study, on the other hand, given to females have definite edges. Furthermore, compared to previous generations, modern women are more educated, furthering their education even till master’s degree. Unlike the negative influence of the employment opportunities, educating women is, obviously, essential, since they can maintain a healthy atmosphere in families and ensure the mental well-being of their children, even if they are not working. Needless to say, that generations can inherit the interest in studying from genes of their mothers, which can benefit the society a lot. To sum up, providing females with more opportunities regarding employment has some adverse ramifications whereas that of education has positive effects.
Today
, we can
see
that
women
are granted
more chances than ever. I believe that in educational terms it is quite advantageous while the adverse effects of this phenomenon can be
seen
with the employment opportunities.

To
begin
with, as is
commonly
thought
, the promotion of the female gender in the job market
helps
to sustain financial stability in
families
.
Moreover
, the fact that there is no gender discrimination in landing a job has made more
women
high likely to
help
their
families
become
financially
stable, providing better nutrition, education and medicine.
Nevertheless
, serious issues with respect to children’s upbringing arise,
as a result
. To be more lucid, an adolescence growing up in a dual-income
family
is, most of the time, short of maternal guidance. This, as a consequence, brings about pejorative pattern of behavior
as well
as a severe impact on the bonds between parents and children in the long term.

Opportunities to study,
on the other hand
,
given
to females have
definite
edges.
Furthermore
, compared to previous generations, modern
women
are more educated, furthering their education even till master’s degree. Unlike the
negative
influence of the employment opportunities, educating
women
is,
obviously
, essential, since they can maintain a healthy atmosphere in
families
and ensure the mental well-being of their children, even if they are not working. Needless to say, that generations can inherit the interest in studying from genes of their mothers, which can benefit the society a lot.

To sum up, providing females with more opportunities regarding employment has
some
adverse ramifications whereas that of education has
positive
effects.
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IELTS essay re having more opportunities. do you think it is a positive developmet?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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