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Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countires around the world

Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countires around the world q0yEE
Nowadays, people are suffering a number of serious medical conditions that directly affects their lives, an example of these medical problemas are the diabetes and obesity which has increased in the last two decades around the world. There so many factors that causes diabetes and obesisty, some people advocate that products like soft drinks and sugary snacks are the main causes of theses problemas. But, there are some others factors that really provokes theses disorders. The junk food is consider as a potential cause of the obesity and diabetes, because it does not provide the nutrients needed to grow heatlhy, it only satisfies the desire of eating without providing any vitamin, mineral or fiber, nutriment, supplement. Therefore, parents should takes part on th children's nutrition and try avoiding these type of food. Also, private and public school should be part of this problematic, banning these type of products in their cafeterias or restaurants, and motivating children to only eat vegetables, fruits, grains, legumes, nuts, meat, fish or seafood. Furthermore, just banning these products within the school is not sufficent, schools should create nutrition classes in which students, teachers and directors can learn about the negative effects of high sugar-based diet on their health. Is very essential to teach the negative effects about a high suggar diet, it cause problems like: mood disorders, heart disease, heart attacks, skin issues, vision problems, nerve problems, sleeping disorders and the most negative is that it a factor for diabetes and obesity.
Nowadays,
people
are suffering a number of serious medical conditions that
directly
affects their
lives
, an example of these medical
problemas
are the diabetes

and
obesity which has increased in the last two decades around the world. There
so
many
factors that
causes
diabetes and
obesisty
,
some
people
advocate that
products


like
soft drinks and sugary snacks are the main
causes
of
theses
problemas
.
But
, there are
some
others factors that
really
provokes
theses
disorders.

The junk food is
consider
as a potential
cause
of the obesity and diabetes,
because
it does not provide the nutrients needed to grow
heatlhy
, it
only
satisfies the desire

of
eating without providing any vitamin, mineral or fiber, nutriment, supplement.
Therefore
, parents should
takes
part on
th
children's nutrition and try avoiding these type of food.

Also
, private and public school should be part of this problematic, banning these type of products in their cafeterias or restaurants, and motivating children to
only
eat

vegetables
, fruits, grains, legumes, nuts, meat, fish or seafood.
Furthermore
,
just
banning these products within the school is not
sufficent
, schools should create nutrition classes in which students, teachers and directors can learn about the
negative
effects of high sugar-based diet on their health. Is
very
essential to teach the
negative


effects about a high
suggar
diet, it
cause
problems like: mood disorders, heart disease, heart attacks, skin issues, vision problems, nerve problems, sleeping disorders

and
the most
negative
is that it a factor for diabetes and obesity.
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IELTS essay Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countires around the world

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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