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Rapid advances are being made in medical treatments of different kinds. Many people think governments should provide these treatments free to their citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

Rapid advances are being made in medical treatments of different kinds. Many people think governments should provide these treatments free to their citizens. with this point of view? yGmYD
It is probably to say that most countries invest money from health care systems. About this issue there are two aspects. Many argue that medical treatments which are supplied by the government need to be made free. Other people, however, claim the opposite. It is important to outline that from my point of view, I agree with both statements for a number of reasons below. On the one hand, the government supplies the health care system free to their citizens. Free medical therapies not only help people’s health become better, but also completely develop their country in many ways, such as economy and service. Employees play a vital role in business growth in a country, but if attendants do not have energy, they could not contribute to the company. For instance, working in industries, workers are affected by pollution or occupational accidents may cause injuries more seriously is death. On the other hand, citizens should be made to pay money for therapeutic treatments since it is clear that the governments must pay with their own funds for services that they provide for them. For example, the state has to recover from their start-up and pay salaries for doctors, nurses and those who are experts in medical sectors which have put their capital in the development of health care systems. Furthermore, if the government free up medical treatments to civilians, they will not have chances to invest their profits in other purposes, such as travelling or education. In conclusion, regarding health care systems, the government should collect profit by taking back their capitals and free services for the development of a country and people’s health improvement.
It is
probably
to say that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
invest money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
. About this issue there are two aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments which
are supplied
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, claim the opposite. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to outline that from my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both statements for a number of reasons below.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supplies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to their citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
therapies not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
become better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
completely develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as economy and service. Employees play a vital role in business growth in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if attendants do not have energy, they could not contribute to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, working in industries, workers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by pollution or occupational accidents may cause injuries more
seriously
is death.

On the other hand
, citizens should
be made
to pay money for therapeutic treatments since it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
funds for services that they provide for them.
For example
, the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
recover from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up and pay salaries for doctors, nurses and those who are experts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
sectors which have put their capital in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments to civilians, they will not have chances to invest their profits in other purposes, such as travelling or education.

In conclusion
, regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should collect profit by taking back their capitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
services for the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvement.
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IELTS essay Rapid advances are being made in medical treatments of different kinds. Many people think governments should provide these treatments free to their citizens. with this point of view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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