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Raising the price of sugary foods

Raising the price of sugary foods 9BDWx
The high amount of sweeteners added in various food and drink products determined increased levels of concern among the population. A proposed immediate solution for this problem is to raise the price of sugary products to encourage people to consume less sugar. From my point of view, the proposed solution may have a borderline impact, however other methods would lead to greater progress. First of all, sugar added in large quantities is most common in processed foods that people rely on for a quick snack. Because such products are handy and cheap and humankind has always been in a rush, many will prefer to cheat and stick to unhealthy meals, making sugary foods a large proportion of one's daily calorie intake. In my opinion, there are two solutions that the government can implement so as to limit the sugar consumption: cap the levels of sweeteners allowed to be sold in edibles or add an extra tax based on the percentage of added sugars. Therefore, rising the price is one way to ward off the rapid demand for these sugary foods. On the other hand, educating the population to become aware of the health issues caused by high glucose consumption is a better method to encourage citizens to undertake a balanced diet. For instance, in Romania, a Coca-Cola product which was available on Christmas has lost its popularity after the media revealed its detrimental effects on our health. In my view, the authority should raise awareness on the harm sugary foods cause through public campaigns such as spreading information through media platforms or give talks in schools that target the younger audience. In conclusion, due to the fact that high intake of sugar-added products puts the individual's health at risk, the public agency should implement solutions that will benefit the wellness of the people. The proposed regulation, which is making products that contain a high amount of glucose more expensive, is a viable solution, but, as I have presented, there are other better ways to solve the issue in question.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of sweeteners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
determined increased levels of concern among the population. A proposed immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for this problem is to raise the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. From my point of view, the proposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
may have a borderline impact,
however
other methods would lead to greater progress.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in large quantities is most common in processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on for a quick snack.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are handy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and humankind has always been in a rush,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
will prefer to cheat and stick to unhealthy meals, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
a large proportion of one's daily calorie intake. In my opinion, there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can implement
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption: cap the levels of sweeteners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
be sold
in edibles or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
an extra tax based on the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugars
.
Therefore
, rising the price is one way to ward off the rapid demand for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
foods.

On the other hand
, educating the population to become aware of the health issues caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
glucose consumption is a better method to encourage citizens to undertake a balanced diet.
For instance
, in Romania, a Coca-Cola
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which was available on Christmas has lost its popularity after the media revealed its detrimental effects on our health. In my view, the authority should raise awareness on the harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cause through public campaigns such as spreading information through media platforms or give talks in schools that target the younger audience.

In conclusion
, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
intake of sugar-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
puts the individual's health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, the public agency should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that will benefit the wellness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The proposed regulation, which is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that contain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of glucose more expensive, is a viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, as I have presented, there are other better ways to solve the issue in question.
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IELTS essay Raising the price of sugary foods

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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