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Raising children to compete

Raising children to compete x2qoo
There is no doubt that these days a lot of people support children to become competitors. The question, isit a good thing to teach our children a sense of competition or not? Eventually, I will make a comparison between both arguments and draw my conclusion. In terms of some views, some parents believe that, positive competition among children is useful, the main reason support this claim is that the children who grow up with a sense of competition are more likely to become successful in their life and eventually a good parents for the next generation. To illustrate that if the child has a competition sense of competition he or she will get excellent grades and marks, and keep him/her motivated. In other words, society will become civilized and productive. However it is very essential to teach children about other values, such as the power of cooperation. In other words, if the children didn't know the concept of competition well, It will cause other problems. This is because it just a little complex for the children to understand this value. Also, the concept of being successful is really how, to be honest with yourself and others. In conclusion, although competition can help them to get higher scores and grades, therefore, I believe that all children should understand competition, and have it in their mind all time. In conclusion, it is evident that it's helpful to tech sense of competition and other values, I believe that children will benefit more if they are taught to help their peers rather than compete with them.
There is no doubt that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become competitors. The question,
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isit
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
or not?
Eventually
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comparison between both arguments and draw my conclusion.

In terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is useful, the main reason

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
support
this claim is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who grow up with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are more likely to become successful in their life and
eventually
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parents for the
next
generation. To illustrate that if the child has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
he or she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excellent grades and marks, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him/her motivated. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, society will become civilized and productive.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
values,

such as the power of cooperation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
didn't know the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
well, It will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
complex for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand this value.
Also
, the concept of being successful is
really
how, to be honest with yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher scores and grades,
therefore
, I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, and have it in their mind all time.
In conclusion
, it is evident that it's helpful to tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
values, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will benefit more if they
are taught
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their peers
rather
than compete with them.
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IELTS essay Raising children to compete

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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