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Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is often said that, Museums are the only best place to visit there. In my opinion, It is a good step to charge the entry fees for people. In the following passage I will illustrate that why it has more advantages to charge the fees for the visitors. To begin with, Museums play a vital role in the economy of the any country. Museums are the only place where people always visit, especially the outsider visitors or foreigner visitors. If everyone pays the entry fees so the government will get a lot of income from the museums. In addition, these revenue governments can utilize somewhere else. For instance, health, education, infrastructure and many more other sectors. Along with this these revenues can be spent on the museums staff salary. On the other hand, There are some disadvantages as well, Nowdays, most of the people have free time especially old age people. They usually choose those places where there are no entry fees, especially shopping mall, parks, seasides and playground. They did not visit to museums because of the entry fees. If there are no fees for the museums, they will definitely prefer to visit there as well. To sum up, I strongly encourage the government body to impose the admission fees on the museums and aslo foster the international visitors to see the museums so through this way the goverment will generate the revenue from the people and these money can utilize some other field for the betterment of the citizens.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
best place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
there. In my opinion, It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step to charge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the following passage I will illustrate that why it has more advantages to charge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for the visitors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
play a vital role in the economy of the any country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
,
especially
the outsider visitors or foreigner visitors. If everyone pays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
income from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
In addition
, these revenue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can utilize somewhere else.
For instance
, health, education, infrastructure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more other sectors. Along with this these revenues can
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
staff salary.

On the other hand
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have free time
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
usually
choose those places where there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
especially
shopping mall, parks, seasides and playground. They did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. If there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, they will definitely prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
there
as well
.

To sum up, I
strongly
encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body to impose the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
foster the international visitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
through this way the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
will generate the revenue from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Did you mean "this money" or "these moneys", "these monies"?
these money
can utilize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other field for the betterment of the citizens.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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