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Public celebrations are waste of money and money should be spend on other important things. Do you agree or disagree?

Public celebrations are waste of money and money should be spend on other important things. xaQda
Public celebrations are the evidence of country's political history along with culture and traditions. In a diverse country like India which is prosperous with a wide range of people, languages and religion. We celebrate almost all the festivals with great enthusiasm and spirit. Despite of this fact, I firmly believe that public celebrations are not wastage of money. To embark on, firstly, public celebrations are done for special days such as Independence day, Republic day. These days do not hold single motive to celebrate only but, to look behind in time, and feel greatful for the freedom we acquire because of the fighters and martyrs of our motherland. Secondly, celebration of Christmas and Diwali is done by keeping the view in mind for the national holiday. Also, it is the time when citizens who do job get increment and bonus along with gifts. On the other hand, 'Excess of anything is always dangerous'. Owing to the modern technology celebrations have lost their true meaning. Nowadays, celebration for any event is performed to show off the money to the others. people hire event managers and offer them thousands of rupees to make arrangements. Henceforth, the mechanism of showing off and jealousy occur due to overexpenditure and extravagant stuff. Materialism is a huge invention of operspending habits. In the nut shell, I am in favour of celebration of the national festivals as they bring in the cultural values and traditions in mankind. It has become necessity of the hour to transfer and teach these values to the next generation to widen their knowledge regarding history of their residing country. However, it is a piece of advice to all to shun the large amount of money in names of celebration of festivals.
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are the evidence of country's political history along with culture and traditions. In a diverse country like India which is prosperous with a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, languages and religion. We celebrate almost all the festivals with great enthusiasm and spirit.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
this fact, I
firmly
believe that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are not wastage of money. To embark on,
firstly
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are done
for special days such as
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Independence day
, Republic day. These days do not hold single motive to celebrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, to look behind in time, and feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
greatful
for the freedom we acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fighters and martyrs of our motherland.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of Christmas and Diwali
is done
by keeping the view in mind for the national holiday.
Also
, it is the time when citizens who do job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increment and bonus along with gifts.
On the other hand
, 'Excess of anything is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
'. Owing to the modern technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
have lost their true meaning. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is performed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off the money to the others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
managers and offer them thousands of rupees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangements. Henceforth, the mechanism of showing off and jealousy occur due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overexpenditure
and extravagant stuff. Materialism is a huge invention of
Possible spelling mistake found.
operspending
habits. In the nut shell, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of the national festivals as they bring in the cultural values and traditions in mankind. It has become necessity of the hour to transfer and teach these values to the
next
generation to widen their knowledge regarding history of their residing country.
However
, it is a piece of advice to all to shun the large amount of money in names of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of festivals.
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IELTS essay Public celebrations are waste of money and money should be spend on other important things.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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