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pros and cons of increased life expectancy

pros and cons of increased life expectancy E79qM
Nowadays, in developed countries the life expectancy average is constantly increasing. Its definitely a positive trend but everything does have some negative aspect too. Everybody wants to live longer so that’s why scientist always find out the ways to add a few more year longer to our life. A longer life is considered as a symbol of more time with people you love, more chance to do what they want, … There is so many old people who follow their dreams at their 60-70s. However, people in high-income world have greater life expectancy than those in poor countries. This is not surprisingly though, wealthy people have access to a better life care. On the other hand, there is some drawbacks to living longer. Old people often require more frequent and long term health care. Also it will lead to more strain and cost on health service due to increased number of patient. In some family, caring to the elder maybe a burden. To sum up, increased life expectancy bring us both advantage and some negative aspects so we need to find a solution to minimize the potential risk as well maximize the benefits.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy average is
constantly
increasing.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
definitely a
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positive
trend
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but
everything does have
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some
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negative
aspect too.

Everybody wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that’s why scientist always find out the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a few more year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is considered
as a symbol of more time with
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people
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, more chance to do what they want, … There is
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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people
who follow their dreams at their 60-70s.
However
,
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people
in high-income world have greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy than those in poor countries. This is not
surprisingly
though, wealthy
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people
have access to a better
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life
care.

On the other hand
, there is
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some
drawbacks to living
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longer
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require more frequent and long term health care.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it will lead to more strain and cost on health service due to increased number of patient. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family, caring to the elder maybe a burden.

To sum up, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy bring us both advantage and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to find a solution to minimize the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as well
maximize the benefits.
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IELTS essay pros and cons of increased life expectancy

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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