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Professional sportsmen and sport women and professional entertainer can often command enormous salaries today and this situation reflects society's dependence on being entertained. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Professional sportsmen and sport women and professional entertainer can often command enormous salaries today and this situation reflects society's dependence on being entertained. with this? 8pDV
There is no doubt the entertainment industry and sports athelets getting a ten time higher salaries than the other field. I think, this situation more reflects between the far share in them. I agree to this statement because of some other Commen men like doctors, teachers, researchers and so forth have to successfully efforts putting in their life. To embark upon, not only the professional sportsmen and women and entertainers doing a something special for country but also some doctors, teachers and planty of others put their efforts to doing the best. For instance, the teachers is the one of the best person which imparting their knowledge to children and then make to them their better future in any field. However, the teacher should be the first person in their life who are professional athletes and celebraties. Even though teachers annual package is not have than the only one sportsman in single match income. Furthermore, the doctors are emerging thier days or nights in one whereas, someone who fight for in their last time that time doctors survive to him and give to new born. To contrary, in making the career in the professional level that is not easy to everyone. Since thier childhood to professional sportsmen which suffer is very hard. Moreover, the athelets are proud for our country who defeat the international competitors and winning the name. For example, in 2018, the women Indian cricket team defeat the Australian women team who never loss in their career but Indian sportwomen defeat them and won the world cup. To conclude, I think, the professional athelets and even who are put their success in anything, both should be valuable for us hence there should be equal amount in both profession. Even if larger proportion in athelets and entertainers so this situation may reflect in society.
There is no doubt the entertainment industry and sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
athelets
getting a ten time higher salaries than the other field. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, this situation more reflects between the far share in them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
Commen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, researchers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
successfully
efforts putting in their life.

To embark upon, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
sportsmen and women and entertainers doing a something special for country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
planty
of others put their efforts to doing the best.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is the one of the best person which imparting their knowledge to children and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to them their better future in any field.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should be the
first
person in their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebraties
.
“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
annual package is not have than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one sportsman in single match income.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are emerging
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
days or nights in one whereas, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
fight for in their last time that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
survive to him and give to new born.

To contrary, in making the career in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
level
that is
not easy to everyone.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
childhood to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
sportsmen which suffer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Moreover
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
athelets
are proud for our country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
defeat the international competitors and winning the name.
For example
, in 2018, the women Indian cricket team defeat the Australian women team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
never loss in their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Indian
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportwomen
defeat them and won the world cup.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
Possible spelling mistake found.
athelets
and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are put
their success in anything, both should be valuable for us
hence
there should be equal amount in both profession. Even if larger proportion in
Possible spelling mistake found.
athelets
and entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this situation may reflect in society.
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IELTS essay Professional sportsmen and sport women and professional entertainer can often command enormous salaries today and this situation reflects society's dependence on being entertained. with this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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